Now that the sales are upon us – like a forgotten Old Testament plague – and weather in the UK has gone to piss – like a forgotten Old Testament plague – I find myself wondering what I will be wearing this Autumn/Winter. And I feel gloomy about it.

Dressing for winter, you are so hampered by practicality. What you gain in not having to pumice your heels or even think about fake tan you lose is having to be bloody warm and dry all the time.

Last year I wore skinny jeans tucked into UGG bikers, or 3/4 length black leggings, tucked into UGG bikers. I mean, it was okay but it was a bit boring. I don’t really want to wear that for another six months straight. But what else IS there?

I’m just going to concentrate on accessories for now. Hoops are back – alongside all those mad ear crawlers, cuffs and “jackets” – and these from Dinny Hall are the best I’ve ever seen. Just gorgeous. They’re a good weight – not too heavy but you know they’re there and they swing about in an expensive way. Plus, they clip on to your ear with a butterfly fastening so they’re secure; a lot of hoops fix with a sort of lever clasp that can be a bit flimsy and come off while you’re taking a sweater off. I’ve lost a lot of decent hoops that way.

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Scoop Hoops, £125, available from Dinny Hall from Sept, pre-order yours now

There are more affordable options around – I used to buy slim medium gold hoops from TopShop for about £10, but the problem with gold jewellery that isn’t plated is that after about 3 months they go all sorts of strange colours. If you’re not bothered then you could just buy those, but if you’re at all into buying things that last and that can be polished up like new, then you can’t do better than these.

Just don’t ask me what else to wear.