My friend Melinda is obsessed with her skin. I mean, aren’t we all, but she literally spends hundreds of pounds in Space NK on various snake oil concoctions that promise her different skin. I don’t see what she’s on about, her skin looks perfectly alright to me (but I suppose other people *can* never see what you’re on about when you complain about your physical imperfections).

Anyway she went to see a top, swank dermatologist, so concerned was she that her lotions and potions weren’t doing anything and wrote to tell me about it. I am certainly never going to be arsed to see a dermatologist again unless in far dire straits than I am now; one hangover of having very bad skin in your teens and into your late twenties is that the odd blotchy bit or laughter lines later on is a walk in the park compared with the pizza horror of yesteryear.

Anyway Melinda’s dermatologist was interesting nevertheless, so here, have her advice for free:

“This dermatologist was great. She was really natural and not some mad glamorpuss  – just a forty something mum with a bit of sun damage who really knows what’s what when it comes to all the different creams and treatments you can get… she told me to buy really simple products from Boots, Simple, Avene or Roche Posay. [We have no exact recommendations here, but I think we *ALL* know she is talking about the Perfect and Protect range.]

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“She said these big name companies are the best because their claims are most rigorously tested. Expensive lotions are a total waste of money as they can’t contain strong active ingredients like Retin A which are only on prescription.

It’s ALL about protecting from UVA rays and then as we get older the occasional peel or dermabrasion to stay looking fresh.

She reckons also that any ingredients in a moisturiser like anti oxidants or vitamins get broken down quickly by sunlight so are only worth putting on at  night.

She also said apply sunscreen twice a day all year round! Her advice is not to wait til bedtime to do the cleansing & night cream stuff, but do it as soon as you’re in for the evening to wash off all the SPF chemicals and makeup ASAP and give your skin longer to be nourished.”

So there you have it! Free, free, free! Right here on The Spike.

Personally, when my current SPF moisturiser runs out I will be investing in this from Avene, which is about £14 from Boots.

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For what it’s worth I have had microdermabrasion, back when my spots were about ready to take over the world, and it is painful and you are blotchy for a few days afterwards, but it does work. Plenty of places offer it, but I went to the Skin Health Spa in London and they were kind, professional and diligent. They used to be on Wigmore Street when I went about ten years ago, but they are now so successful they have now moved up to Marylebone and expanded into East London and all over the country.

If you think that something like a dermabrasion or a light peel or laser treatment – or any of that terrifying shit that they talk about in Weekend Supplements – isn’t for the likes of you, think again. This is non-scary stuff, literally, genuinely for the likes of you and me.

It’s not Botox, they’re not going to make you look like…

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…you won’t end up with Bell’s Palsy from so much interference; they key words here are NON-INVASIVE. No needles. No poisons.

Anyway, look – don’t suffer with a tedious skin complaint that bothers you every time you look in the mirror. You can go and see them with pretty much any facial issue (lines, broken veins, dullness, dryness, zits etc) and they’ll say something helpful – and consultations are free. BOOM!