The single event that I have nothing to wear to is a countryside Christening. So hurrah hurrah! that I was invited to the very thing this weekend. I was stumped, in wardrobe terms. I ended up wearing a collection of things so awful I won’t describe it to you in case you sick up your Pop Tart into your hand.

But look at THIS CHICK:


She is even wearing (and completely pulling off) a fucking scrunchie!! That is how hip it is in the countryside these days. I asked if her trousers were Dries Van Noten. She said “Ha ha! Asos.”

My sister, mother of the Christenee, was wearing a pair of spotty tights from Wolford. “I’m all about a spotty tight this season,” she said, when I asked her for a quote. No but seriously, they livened up an otherwise quite conservative ensemble.