Silk tomboy bird shirt, 98 Euros; classic 001 jean, 98 Euros, both Sezane.
I have slumped into a deep depression because my diet isn’t working.
I have cut out sugar and a lot of booze and snacks and I’m not eating the kids leftover tea or any patisserie and I ate NO sweeties or chocolates out of the Hallowe’en trick or treaters bowl AT ALL. I have been taking moderate exercise. And yet some mornings I am still the weight that made me do a little scream at the end of August and vow to go on a diet. My 2003 Topshop wide leg flannel trousers simply will not do up. And they fit okay back in March.
It’s just this unshiftable 1/2 a stone that just won’t budge. It’s my age. I know it! It’s 35, that age when suddenly the things that used to work don’t any more and suddenly you have to eat basically nothing and drink nothing and work out for two hours, four times a week in order to be the weight you want to be.
I keep thinking about an interview I saw once with Gwyneth Paltrow where she went “I was so chubby after I had [the boy… whatever his name is: Noah?] and I couldn’t shift it! So I went to Tracy Anderson and it was like wow! I lost all the weight!” Yes, by working out until she was fucking sick. Oh yes and also by being mostly vegan. And not really drinking.
Fuck!!! Fuck this shit.
Most of all, I took delivery recently of my absolutely excellent new clothes from Sezane and although it’s not like the jeans don’t fit at all, I just loathe and despise the way my stomach bunches around the waistband. It’s got to go! It’s me or the muffin top! But how! Where?! My morale is at rock bottom. I feel like if I eat any less I’ll pass out or kill someone or just, like, snap and go insane and shoot up my local bakery.
What I’m secretly hoping is that my body is clinging on to weight because it is somehow scared that I am starving myself and is laying down reserves for winter. Ha! Fat chance. Scuse the pun.
Anyway, I’m going spinning on Thursday. If I were you, I would avoid all the Greggs in the NW5 area.
Esther, seriously, I think you must have body dysmorphia because you look great in that photo. Your legs in those jeans are amazing. However, if you really want to shift that final 1/2 stone do try Jillian Michael’s 30 day shred DVD. She’s a crazy cow and you’ll sweat like a pig, but it’s only (only) 20 minutes and it does work. xxx
there’s a lot of trickery that went into that photo. you’re the second person to mention jillian michael….
Spinning is probably the answer! I used to be a bit addicted to spinning classes (as I sit here, about 3 1/2,stone heavier than I was then this memory makes me feel a bit sick) but it’s addictive because it works! It especially works the middle body area, but its not as hard as running, honestly, it’s amazing. Of course, I was 25 when I was addicted to it, so being thin was easier. Good luck! Elaine x
I watched this tv show with that older dr man who used to be on morning telly (Dr Hillary something?). Was EYEBOGGLINGLY educational. Seems that exercise is amazing for your internal fat (the stuff round your heart, the stuff that kills). So exercise = brilliant. BUT it does absolutely naff all for superficial fat (the post baby tummy/saddle bags/muffin top wobbly variety). Which is why people can get so disheartened by running 3 times a week for an age and it appears nothing happens. (But you are getting thin… Just around your internal organs rather than round your arse. Which is not what anyone needs to fit into their jeans). Apparently, cutting out sugar, booze, and doing weights is what actually changes the shape of your body. Which is why I will never get into my 2003 trousers 😐
Mimi I am hoping a combination of no sugar/booze AND spinning will turn me into a svelte frenchie..???? ugh it’s all just to tedious
So I have a lot of weight to shift and have recently discovered ballet beautiful. You can stream intense ballet workouts that are absolutely brutal but only 15 minutes long. The best part is – they actually work and the weight falls off and even if you are a big hippo, you manage to feel graceful for those lovely 15 minutes. I highly recommend.
Hi Esther
Hi-rise jeans are the answer. Just below the belly button is perfect. No muffin top and they hold you in like a pair of control pants.
xx
Sent from my iPhone
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Oh but Amelia they also make me feel like I’m being STRANGLED
5:2 diet and not much exercise has been effective but slow for me after two children. However, it should be pointed out that you are slim by any standard and look great in those jeans.
camera trickery
Same, same. Do what I do & stalk the Body Coach on Instagram. Am trying to build up enthusiasm to be arsed to actually do it…
This is all very well and good but…when do you get the fucking time? I refuse to get up earlier than necessary, I’m up at 6.30am as it is, I have a toddler at home all day long, when he naps I’m tied to the house, then by the time they’re in bed and I’ve tidied up all the mess they’ve made all day long and fed the Husband it’s time to collapse into bed. HOW DO YOU MANAGE IT!?
Sam goes to nursery in the morning & kitty is at school – I also have an au pair who helps with the mess… if I have the choice though I exercise in the evening, if I go in the morning I am fucking knackered for the rest of the day, which is miserable
Just keep doing what you’re doing, and that will help the weight loss, but after two babies what’s needed is a bit of reshaping, and Pilates is brilliant for that. Especially for trimming waists. I met up with a friend just recently and she had a marvellous new waist, when I asked her where she had got it she answered Pilates. And she is 60.
yes I have done & enjoy pilates but I really need to sort out the weight loss first otherwise you’ve got a lovely slim new waist… hidden under a 1in layer of white chocolate
But re being strangled by your jeans: have you tried Not Your Daughter’s Jeans (pricey) or the AMAZING NEXT Lift, Slim & Shape (or something). Both are magical. Holds in a muffin brilliantly.
bleurgh. feels so middle aged. would rather do the work and be actually thin tbh…
What you need to reshape is your brain, as in your thought process, and not your body.
You want to lose half a stone, what, that is 3.5 kg or so ? You are punishing yourself just for a little bit of excess weight ?
Do you think your kids will not look at you as their perfect mummy, or that you husband won’t love the extra half a stone ?
You’re 35, you’ve had 2 children. You won’t get your 18 y/o body shape back.
Just eat a varied and well balanced diet, without obsessing over the food you put or not put in your mouth. And feck the half a stone.
You are still a yummy mummy. And it is mainly your personality that makes you you, not necessarily your body shape.
Patricia, bless you – but I want to be thin for ME not for my kids or my husband. Balls to them! And for me it’s a bit of a broken window policy – okay fuck the half stone now, but that creeps up.. it’s a half stone now, but then a stone, then a stone and a half… Though I appreciate the pep talk. You are a nice person xxxx
Of course, you want to be thin for you. I understand that. But wouldn’t you want to be healthy and content more ?
Yes, do keep your weight in check if at all possible, but you don’t need to become unhappy because of a few lousy kgs.
I have been there, done that and wear the blummin’ XXL t-shirt. I am nigh on 20 years older than you are and know from experience that every time after you come to that perfect weight there is a turning point when it WILL start creeping back on again, and then some.
They always say that diets don’t work. They do, temporarily. It’s a lifestyle change that we need, or so they say, but that is so unachievable for most of us, unless we become slightly or not so slightly obsessed about it.
Some GP in my past once told me that with every decennium, women in particular will gain 10 % in weight if we keep eating same food, same portions as before and doing the same physical activities.
I suggest you hang on to a healthy weight and sorry to be flippant, but buy a ‘slightly’ larger size clothing, because life is too short to be going up and down in weight and never be content about it.
You are a beautiful woman, whatever your weight. Think of that.
Now, the 5:2 diet has other benefits than just losing weight. Look into that. It is achievable, but you’ll have to put some work in with calorie counting. And it might be hard the first few days on low calorie, but it will become easy after a very short time. And indeed, miso soup is a great gap filler to stop hunger pangs.
xxx…x
The level of thinness one can achieve post babies is just not the same. I don’t think this is necessarily a physiological issue, more a lifestyle one. Pre children one had greater motivation and time to devote to being thin, if this is what interests you. Post children other things take a greater priority. Which is not to say that we are no longer interested, we simply cannot go to the same lengths. You know that you are very slim. You don’t need us to tell you. Being thin requires self obsession that doesn’t fit well with parenthood or life. And is quite unbecoming no ?
this is true and I agree – but, this is more a pre-emptive measure. Left unchecked I would absolutely balloon – I’ve got some real fatties on both sides of the family. If I didn’t try hard at this stage, I’d never bother. I’d be a size 18 by christmas. but I take your points on board x
So for what it’s worth. I was a low carb devotee for a long time, and it worked well for maintenance. But if you are a greedy foodie like me, low carbing alone doesn’t work for weight loss. I can eat vast quantities of anything…..eggs, yogurt, chicken….but eventually calories do matter. So the only thing that works for me these days is low(ish) carb + some degree of calorie counting. Not slavishly but just to manage portion control. I just wish I had the willpower to do this consistently. As you say…..BORING!!
Spinning is the absolute best thing! I started and am now addicted and go 3 times a week. You need to find one with decent music though as the first one I went to played such awful shit that it really put me off. It won’t make you lose weight BUT it will make you smaller and harder which is the main thing. Good Luck!
I need to shred my spare tyre. that is all. thank you for the pep talk xxxx
A lot of booze…? It needs to be all the booze. Am in a similar slump having managed to put on 2 kilos over half term. Drink shit loads of miso soup or “bone broth” as the orthorexics call it.
yes miso soup. I had forgotten about miso bloody soup. urgh
5:2 has become a way of life for me since having my kids (youngest is 1 now) many weeks, my weight has stayed static (inspite of having +++treats/naughties on non-fast days occasionally) but my measurements-especially my waist have consistently been reducing. Take care not to eat too little either, it’s counterproductive to inch-loss surprisingly. Exercise helps massively, I’m doing couch to 5k at the mo and also spinning once a week, which is enjoyable and a bit addictive when you recognise your fitness and stamina improving xxx
I like the idea of 5.2 but can’t bear the thought of SO SO HUNGREEEEE on the fast days…
I can also vouch for 5:2 and 30 day shred. The former is hellish at first, but I promise it gets easier. I’ve got so used to it now (started in Jan) that I now eat nothing on a “fast day”. It’s actually easier for me that way – once I start eating I find it hard to stop, hence needing to go on a sodding diet in the first place…!
I bow to your restraint. 1 day of not eating anything would drive me over the edge I think
I totally agree that if you allow half a stone then they’ll be another one along sooner rather than later. Sorry at possibly sounding smug here but I have at last found what works for me – small amounts of protein 5 times a day, veg, berries and some good carbs. No sugar, no white carbs or fruit other than the berries. So no feeling hungry or tired. Fast walking 3 a 4 times a week. Oh and when I go out just a couple of gin and slimline tonics. It works!
that sounds good
Some people swear by Jillian Michaels, I just swear at her! I have a “used only once” Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred DVD that I could send you but, having injured my calf in the first five minutes in such a way that I required physiotherapy and couldn’t so any other exercise for a few weeks, I could not wholeheartedly recommend it! Fast walking – particularly good if you have just got into a filthy temper first – and green tea shifted a good bit for me. Loving The Spike, so glad you are back at it!
thanks Jude – I just can’t do exercise DVDs… too many people in my house, feel too self conscious and stupid… 🙁
I hate diets and am lazy, I just love my food too much and plus I have 2 small kids…therefore the window in which to do exercise is tiny and I’d rather read a book tbh. However, with a stone to shift after my last baby, I have decided on the 5:2. Am doing it together with my husband for moral support, as he gained a pregnancy tum when I was last preggo! Week 3 and it’s really not as hideous as I feared – 1 hard boiled egg for breakfast, salad for lunch, fish and greens for dinner, plus don’t forget u can use those crazy/weird miracle noodles that have no calories. I also depend on black coffee as a treat. And with both kids running laps around me, the day goes quickly. I just pick the 2 days per week where I’m busiest so I don’t crave toast all day. I bought the 5:2 recipe book which is a great motivator and takes the stress and boredom out of calorie counting. Anyhow, you look amazing so don’t fret too much!
hmm that menu doesn’t sound too bad AT ALL… I reckon I might be able to live on that for 2 out of 7 days. interesting.
I’m reading these tips with intense interest. I’ve just had my 3rd baby and have 2 stone to lose before I get to the weight where I’m half a stone over my desired weight. Boring old calories counting works at first but then slows down. Weight training seems to be the answer for many, kettle bells and such. I’ve no idea how I’ll find any time with a 4, 2 and 10 week old. God it’s so boring losing weight.
it is SO boring losing weight. and, though I don’t like being told to relax about it and whatever… your youngest is 10 weeks old? I don’t think you know where you are with weight you’re 9 months post partum, really…
Loving The spike Esther, such a good idea and I don’t have any of the guilt of not cooking your recipes, result! Did 5:2 for a year. Did get grumpy on fast days, no doubt about it. Weirdly found it easier in winter than summer and did lose weight. When I came off it (not intentionally, just suddenly lost all will power plus additional stress meant I just thought I wanted FOOD). I eat ridiculously healthily (not that proud about it tbh, should treat myself more) but probably too much. Now need to start again and mainly because it was very good health wise I’m hitting the 5:2 again, I felt well and I didn’t get colds etc. May have been a coincidence but unlikely.
I’m exactly the same as you, just happier when my weight is under control, I admit it’s a control thing. Hate when you have to move your trousers up to ‘high waisted’ when you’re driving. Just rubbish. xx
I LOVE this… moving trousers up to high waisted when driving.!!!! it’s like we’re the same person x
Can totally relate to all you say, including feeling stupid about doing fitness DVDs at home. Try also throwing in rural living where exercise classes are limited, and stretched budget so £5 on a zumba class in a nearby hotel (on CARPET) can’t really be justified! Fortunately we have a dog who demands to be walked, but it’s not really enough. I used to do 5:2 when I had an office job- easy to do twice a week when you’re out of the house. But now back to freelancing from home and with a husband who does the same- much harder. So- no solutions for you there, just solidarity!
I know this sounds naff (and no, no one’s paying me) but I’ve done Paul McKenna’s “I Can Make You Thin”. You just listen to the CD 30 minutes a day and read the book a couple of times (which doesn’t take long). And no going without food forgoodnessake!
OH GOD I CAN RELATE. The fucking muffin top. What a bastard. I’m a size 8-10 and a worshipper of high waisted jeans, so people never see it and think I’m just this skinny mini stuck up pain when I complain about it, but it IS THERE. Lurking beneath my jean waistband like an assassin. Sure I can hide it, but it would be so FREEING to not have to deal with it. To wear low rise jeans and bikinis without all this flobble muffining over the waist. Maybe I am exaggerating but that’s just how I feel and I want to NOT feel it. I’ve bought a cheapy cross trainer off Argos and that seems to be helping though. Maybe it’s only my imagination? Oh and, in your own words Esther, if you want to be thin you have to fucking starve. Doing that too…
STARVE!!!! SO HUNGREEEEEE. I had a muffin top when I was an 8-10, too. I am sympathetic.
Dude, you look great. Are the jeans comfortable? Or am I missing the point?
camera trickery. there were a lot of horrible photos.
Wish I had legs like yours x
Wish I had legs like yours.
xxxx marry me x
My bestest friend lost 3 stone following a fertility diet recommended by some Chinese medicine woman. No wheat, no dairy, no sugar, no alcohol (basically no fun) for 4 months, and has gone from size 16 to size 8. I am seething with jealousy as she looks amazeballs. Have been inspired to do the same. You look lovely btw. Xx
Totally off-topic- Moses I think, no? (Who needs The Baby Name Directory when you have The Old Testament?)
Go to India, book on a camel trek where the camel driver is also the cook et voila! I’ve never been thinner.
Don’t give up Esther, you absolutely can get your body back to where it was before kids – I know everyone says you can’t but you absolutely can. Spinning is great but that’s mostly cardio, what you should be doing is something with weights (for example, Tracy Anderson or Yoga Sculpt). Do that five times a week for about 45 minutes and you will see a difference AND it won’t make you exhausted. When I needed to lose weight lots of kind lovely people told me i was *perfect* as I was, but that just doesn’t help. I really do understand doing it for YOU and feeling like you, Esther, a woman, not just someone’s wife and/or/mother.
I’m sure I’ve got Tracey Anderson’s mat workout DVD somewhere… bought in panic then rejected for practical reasons…
Dear Esther, my babies are 20 and 17. I have always run and in my opinion it makes very little difference to weight unless you are quite overweight to start. I have done Jillian Michaels, it’s great for toning stuff up and giving you defined arms but I don’t think it helps shed weight. I started 5:2 and over the course of a year shed a stone. I am in the same category as you in that I wasn’t technically overweight but weight was creeping on and that was only ever going to end badly. Whilst it takes a bit of getting use to, 5:2 is not as tedious as calorie counting, you can still have Sunday dinner and go out with your husband at the weekend. All round happy faces.
Bikram yoga really helps, fast! It gave me headaches but that’s different for everyone.