Continuing on the theme of my obsession with Pippa Middleton’s much-dismissed, ghost-written book, (if only because I think it makes me seem eccentric), I have slavishly copied the birthday breakfast table idea here for Kitty’s 5th birthday breakfast. Did I do it for her or for me? It’s a toss-up.

It is dark outside because I set the table the night before. Later, I tied a pink helium balloon to each chair. I don’t mean to sound like an arsehole but it looked fucking amazing. Kitty loved it. I loved it more.

The secret to doing a table like this is collecting same-coloured junk from all over the house and sticking it all on the table whether it is relevant or not. I mean, to an extent – do not go rushing for your pink Clarisonic or fuchsia high heeled shoes. So I have included on the table a pink teddybear, a watering can and little dolly. All the presents were wrapped in pink paper, pink tulips in a vase and a pink party tablecloth from Party Pieces, which I only bought because the Middletons were on my mind, but it is actually really good and totally re-useable. I recommend it. I put strawberries in little pink zig zag party pots. Strawberries?! In February? They tasted horrible. But they looked fab.

It doesn’t have to be pink, of course. It could be blue, silver, purple, green – whatever. If someone did me a birthday breakfast table like this I would die. I’d actually be dead. Like I said, it’s a moot point who the real beneficiary of this little exercise was.