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Goodbye, coffee

I spent all yesterday hiding because I had another piece in the Mail. Whatever you write, whatever the photos look like, however controversial or non-controversial a piece you write, having a piece in the Mail always makes you feel like this is you:

Screen Shot 2016-02-15 at 12.43.24

Anyway so I hid at home, only venturing out in a hat and sunglasses and didn’t look at Twitter.

I spent most of my time helping little Sam to blow his nose, as he seems to have caught another cold on top of the two he’s just had in succession. I’m taking him to the doctor on Wednesday. It’s not normal to have a cough and a cold for 6 weeks, is it? Maybe his adenoids have grown back? Is that even possible.

And I’ve given up coffee. I’ve never really, just between you and me, liked it that much. But I felt compelled to “have a coffee” and sort of half-enjoyed that mashed-off-your-face, clench-teethed thing you get from it.

Until I decided that I didn’t. And, further, that it was neither integral to my day, my state of mind or my personality to drink coffee. In terms of a pick me up on an under slept day, tea works fine. And tea doesn’t send me into a foot-tapping, nattering, tooth-licking neurotic spiral.

It’s been like realising that, actually, you hate you boyfriend and ought to get rid of him. Or that you don’t like dancing and don’t ever want to do it in public again. Or that, in fact, Diet Coke is rank.

 

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Comments

  1. Wotsit says

    February 16, 2016 at 10:40 am

    I like your DM article – esp. your cool dress!

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      February 16, 2016 at 11:34 am

      O thank you Wotsit that is very kind of you to say. It was from Jonathan Saunders about 4 years ago! It’s my “thin” dress. If I can squeeze into it, I’m officially thin! Though sitting down is another matter… xx

      Reply
  2. Snolly says

    February 16, 2016 at 11:52 am

    Love the DM article, it’s hilarious! Not only for the content (who HASN’T *partially* picked a husband/wife for at least one superficial/advantageous reason? Not me) but for the wankers in the comment section falling over themselves to dissect your life choices in the snippiest manner. Laugh all the way to the expensive trainer shop Esther.
    P.S. coffee DOES suck.

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      February 16, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      Thanks Snolly – I choose never to read comments (on the DM) as I would be a nervous wreck xxx

      Reply
      • Snolly says

        February 16, 2016 at 3:32 pm

        I understand, I would be the same! xx

        Reply
  3. Cindy says

    February 16, 2016 at 12:52 pm

    I enjoyed your article, it was funny and you and your house looked great in the pictures. (I love your bookcases.) It made me think of that line from Pride and Prejudice where Elizabeth says she can date her feelings for Darcy from first seeing his beautiful grounds at Pemberley. She’s joking, but also, she isn’t. I don’t know where they find all these angry literal–minded people to fill comments sections, got the right idea avoiding them.

    Anyway, coffee – I got into a thing of having it when I’d had an especially bad night, but then started having heart palpitations and feeling panicky; all stopped when I knocked it on the head. Tea for me all the way. I also hate diet coke, and the fact that if you order coke you seem to get diet as default if you’re female, had it happen so many times and can’t stand the stuff.

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      February 16, 2016 at 1:21 pm

      yes when you’re very tired and under slept, I find coffee is actually the worst thing to have – it takes your already stressed body and just beats it up a bit more…

      Reply
  4. Kristy says

    February 16, 2016 at 1:34 pm

    Oh, haven’t read the Mail. Was it in the You magazine bit? Try to steer clear of there due to presence of eternal misery-guts, Liz Jones – is she even a real person? Will go and see if I can find it.

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      February 16, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      ha ha! omg no don’t seek it out, it’s so shaming. it was in life& style on Monday, you can find it online. I look like a total dick in a posh dress posing like an idiot… you will think less of me 🙁 xxx

      Reply
      • Kristy says

        February 16, 2016 at 3:15 pm

        Not at all, you look fab as does house, but there’s not enough money around to get me to open my self or house to the DM. The comments alone would crush me like a beetle. Well done for not reading them, they’re a special kind of foolish.

        Reply
        • esthermcoren says

          February 16, 2016 at 6:47 pm

          Every time I do it, I think “never again”… xx

          Reply
  5. Liz says

    February 16, 2016 at 7:26 pm

    House and dress are lovely. Wouldn’t recommend reading the comments section, oddly the nicest are the worst rated!

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      February 16, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      it’s like the only bloodsport left is below-the-line comments on the DM x

      Reply
  6. Karen Nicholson says

    February 16, 2016 at 10:55 pm

    Hi there Esther,
    I thought the article was fun and witty. Wish you could write stuff for The Guardian. You are a much better writer than most of its stable of lifestyle columnists.

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      February 17, 2016 at 10:07 am

      Karen! Bless you. I wish we could ALL write for the Guardian, but they wouldn’t have me. And they pay an absolute pittance – I wouldn’t be able to afford to do this blog on the side. But what a lovely thing to say, thanks x

      Reply
  7. Sarah says

    February 17, 2016 at 8:10 am

    I think your writing is too good and too funny for the DM. Who are those trolls that write those comments? They are the lowest of the low and how completely tragic that they spend their day thinking up nasty comments to write about people. Why dont they go and do something proactive? As the old saying goes if you have nothing nice to say dont bother. I say this to my children a lot! Why do DM have these comments sections cant they just get rid of them? ps I love coffee is that really bad? Literally cant live without it.

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      February 17, 2016 at 10:08 am

      Sarah I think if you love coffee go for it, it probably agrees with you? I feel the same way about really spicy food. My problem was that I didn’t really get on with coffee but drank it anyway because I thought I “ought” to. Mad!

      Reply
  8. Jessie says

    February 17, 2016 at 9:46 am

    I loved it too – who hasn’t looked at the whole package (so to speak) when they meet someone new. I was sick of going out with edgy creative types with no money and no manners. I then met my husband who is clever, kind, generous, dependable and solvent (as well as gorgeous, funny yadda yadda) and the fact that it was clear that together we would have a comfortable future was definitely part of the attraction.
    Anyway, I also agree that you’re much too good for the DM.

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      February 17, 2016 at 10:09 am

      Thanks Jessie! They do pay an absolute fortune though… xxx

      Reply
      • Jessie says

        February 17, 2016 at 11:58 am

        Ah well, in that case…bleed them dry!!

        Reply
  9. rachelhinkley says

    February 18, 2016 at 9:54 am

    For me – nice flat in Crouch End and a BMW.

    Reply
  10. Lorna says

    February 22, 2016 at 9:50 pm

    Haha read it : loved it. Bit late to the party here but i do enjoy a bit of Mail-reader-baiting and you do have a way with words.
    The spike is good. I finally cast off the black clothes, accepted RR was over and binged on all of it. It’s a new dawn it’s a new day etc etc..

    Reply

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