There are certain items you can wear – if I were writing a magazine piece right now, I would call them “hero” items – which make whatever else you’re wearing look okay, because you’ve added that item. Doesn’t matter if you’ve got on literally a random collection of things you found at the end of your bed: add any of these on top and you immediately look as though the whole thing is on purpose. Don’t ask me why! I don’t make the rules.
But don’t do all of these at once. You will look like a mental Instagram fashion looney.
1 Nike Air Force 1s. They are the ugliest and clunkiest of all the white trainers around right now, and therefore the coolest.
2 This pair of Illesteva leopard print blue mirrored sunglasses. So hot right now.
3 Multiple piercings up one or both ears. At least 3 on one side. You don’t have to go mental and have the top bit or the little inner nubbin thingy pierced (shudder).
4 Extremely cool bag, like the puzzle bag from Loewe or anything Fendi, Chloe, Chanel, Celine.
5 Mad nail varnish in neon or turquoise. Even better if a bit chipped.
6 A lot of rings on all your fingers, particularly the forefingers. Perhaps not so much the thumbs.
7 Any sort of smart town coat with the collar turned up. Extra points if its camel.
Argh!!! I love the puzzle bag but it is £1,500.
admire it from afar, as I do x
Love my Air Force 1’s 👌🏼
I also love my Air Force 1’s they go with everything, not keen on the multiple piercings but that is probably because Im old and trying to stop my teenage daughters getting the said piercings done!
Public service announcement: Hush have 10% of everything all Easter weekend. That’s me all spent out just before pay day….I still haven’t worn the excellent jumpsuit I bought last month. But I will. One day.
God I want a jumpsuit! I bought one last year that was a tiny bit too small and I’m far too chunky for it right now.
Considering getting my ears pierced again – as I feel this is the cowards way out of the midlife tattoo that I also seem to be really drawn too!
Now I want that nail varnish colour but have no idea what it is!
The problem is with ‘hero items’ is that people ignore the collective wisdom of not wearing all the shit at the same time, and wear all the shit at the same time. So it becomes a uniform of the damned. There are people wandering around certain London postcodes wearing this, or tiny variations thereof, and even worse they’re all just off the school run so who are they kidding with their edgy, chipped blue varnish? I’m not saying everyone should be in sensible skirts and puffa jackets just because they’ve got two kids, but give me a rest from the parkas and Nikes. I can’t fathom why it’s making me so angry but it is and I’m too pissed off from school run and work overload to analyse why I’m pissed off. I’m also doing my nut because I’m trying to sell my house and I’ve had a huge bill come in and everyone is coming to stay with me for Easter rather than do a massive Ocado order and invite me to their lovely house and cook like a slave for me. Fucking hell.
Having ranted all of that I can, with authority, inform you that twenty years ago the uniform in SW6 was bootleg jeans, White Company rugby shirts and gilets (yes, truly. I have photos) so who am I to bitch about people who get triple piercings in their left earlobes.
Liked your critique on Vogue. The backwards shirt bonkers ludicrousness led me to spend a happy five minutes googling Celine Dion’s reverse-disaster Oscar outfit. Some things never age.
Tess you need a BIG fucking drink xxx
I have a neon Celine trio! I have a hero piece! I also have shocking pink nails after a poor decision at the nail bar. I do NOT own the trainers or those fly eye specs. Baby steps.
In other news I overhauled my makeup and discovered By Terry (fucking awful name, she is french, maybe she doesn’t realise it sounds like a paving firm). Lovely stuff anyway.
O the Celine trio!!! A very impressive hero item. Well done you x