I have had a message from a delightful girl called Katie Apple, asking for advice about weddings and marriage. Here is her message:
Please can I put out my first request? I’m 32, getting married end of July, any advice on weddings? It’s a vague request, but as this post was about money I thought it linked in… Any advice on keeping sane in the run up, where to spend, and advice for being a newlywed?
I mean, there is just TOO MUCH to say to this. If I started writing I would never stop. Plus I didn’t actually organise my own wedding.
So I’m throwing it out to the floor! Can anyone help Katie? Please leave your helpful answers, tips and advice in the handy comments box at the bottom.
Katie – we’re here for you.
Have a wedding within your means – having all your favourite people in one place, with nice food and drinks are key ingredients whether it’s a pub, marquee, beach in the Caribbean or a smart hotel. You want it to be an occasion everyone who is there remembers. We got married in a marquee in a field in Pembrokeshire and friends still talk about how much fun they had 12 years on!!
Having been married for a fairly long time and having been to a ridiculous amount of weddings my advice is: take care of your guests, surround yourselves with people you love, don’t expect perfection, remember that weddings are fairly samey and the ones you enjoy are where you are dancing and having fun not following a schedule. You will look back at your wedding as a fabulous time you spent with people who have gone. And the most important thing to remember is that it is the marriage that is important not the wedding. Have fun and good luck.
I tried to please everyone and ended up feeling a bit cross and miserable. It was about 400 years ago now though. Good luck x
I think be firm with family and friends regarding what YOU want … we gave in to my husband’s mother a little too much (even though she wasn’t paying) and I’m still a bit cross about it 6 years later! I planned the whole thing, and I think pick one thing to do, eg get a dress, and don’t move on to the next thing ’til it’s ordered. As you’re asking for advice I’m presuming you’re not the sort of woman who has been planning her wedding in her head since she met her partner: so I’d say don’t strive for perfection – you’ll drive yourself mad. I went to a reputable wedding dress shop, told the assistant what I didn’t want (lace, strapless), and she brought me 6 dresses to try on whilst my friend rifled through the rails. I really liked the third one, so took my mum a couple of days later, and ordered it. People were saying, ‘no, go to other shops, have a look around’ but I really didn’t want to, plus the dress was lovely and in my price range. Same with photographer: checked a few out online, met with one and really liked him and his work. He didn’t pressure me into signing up, in fact he advised me to check out others. But I didn’t have the time or the inclination, so I went with him. Florist – flowers are so expensive! A friend of my husband got married 6 months before us. Their florist was based in a swish market town. I found a florist in my not-at-all fancy home town: their flowers were fantastic and very reasonable. I got more (and better!) flowers for half the price of our friends’ flowers. They also put me on to a young woman starting out doing wedding cakes – again she was so much cheaper and she had a little shop in a rather deprived area that I wouldn’t have thought to check out without their recommendation. I I think if you find a dress/florist/photographer that makes you happy and confident – and in budget – then why drive yourself insane trying to better it? We got married in the October, and I started doing the buying/booking in the January: only the venue had been booked up to that point. Good luck!
Remember to stop every so often and take moment to look around and remember the day – otherwise it can pass you by in a blur. And think about your guests – some friends are transitory others are forever, pick wisely and drop the hanger-oners.
Sometimes I do wonder if I shouldn’t have bothered spending any money on my wedding and instead should have saved it to spend on spa weekends I’ve needed during six years of marriage, but it was a genuinely wonderful thing to celebrate with all our nearest and dearest.
Big tip- if booking things like make up or hair don’t say it’s for your wedding because the cost will triple- my hairdresser tried to charge €120 for a “wedding” blow dry and when I called in a different accent to book a standard one it was €25…
Actually I’ve thought of something – try if you can not to leave too long between the service and getting guests sitting down and fed. Those 3 hour waits post-service and pre-lunch/dinner makes everyone a bit drunk and hungry and also bored. Get everything done swiftly then those who want to stay and party can and those who want to slink off can, too.
That’s exactly what i did with our wedding. I hate the hours of hanging around so i planned the ceremony for 4.30…drinks and pics at 5pm and back for food, drinks, dancing and speeches by 6-6.30pm. Also I hate all day drinking because i want to fall asleep by 6pm. This was one day I KNEW I’d want to dance all night. And I did! Good luck with it all Katie!
Spend your budget on the things that are most important to you – if flowers are your thing, do lots of flowers. If it’s the dress, go the whole hog. Music, concentrate on the band. If you need to economise, think about weddings you’ve been to and what you remember. I was fussing about flowers, and my clever then-fiancé asked me to describe the flowers at the last five weddings I’d been to. He was right – there was one where there were flowers everywhere, but I couldn’t remember anything about the rest! I moved swiftly on to fussing about something else.
We hated the idea of a wedding photographer and asked lots of friends to take extra pics for us (though we did have a quick line-up outside the church), and had hundreds of amazing snaps to choose from. But do put your pics in an album within the first month or two, otherwise they’ll sit in that box.
Having said that, try not to run out of booze – that is terrible! And try to keep the alch. vol. down on the wines; a lot of reds are 14.5/15% alch which is a LOT on a (hopefully) warm day in July – it’s nearly sherry or port strength!
Brilliant then-fiancé (still v. pleased with my choice!) – and this is genius – booked us into a lovely B&B about 12 miles from my parents’ house for a couple of nights after the wedding and before we went on our honeymoon, which meant we could pop back home for a few hours here and there and do post-wedding stuff; tidying up, seeing relations, looking at presents, thanking people etc. and then GO AWAY AGAIN BY OURSELVES to have a breather and just ‘be’. Took all of the stress and bother out of it – v. good for newlywed harmony! Obviously if you have capable hands behind you who will do all this for you then zip off straight away. I didn’t, and this was the perfect solution.
If you’re having a dress made, give the dressmaker a date a week or 10 days in advance of your actual wedding, no matter how much they push you. I mean, lie if necessary – this gives you a little wiggle room in case of disaster – unless the disaster is that you then drop another stone in that last week…. and pin a safety pin on the hem of your dress.
As Elaine says, have fun, and don’t worry too much. I spent most of our wedding sitting outside by the portaloos smoking fags and drinking beer (I was boiling hot and very thirsty in my huge meringue and that’s where the breeze and the fag buckets were) which sounds frightful and not-quite-nice, but I saw everybody and had a lovely time.
Good luck and let us know how it went xx
The best advice we had was spend money on the photographer. We got everyone to bring alcohol and have an open bar- rather than presents- and friends helped decorate the venue using decorations I’d sourced off EBay and local flowers. Saved a lot of money and people enjoyed feeling part of it. We saved money on food via using food truck type caterers and sharing platters and had a playlist on a laptop rather than a dj – which proved great fun as friends took over choosing tunes as the night progressed.
I can’t say as marriage made me feel any different to how I did before. We’d been together for years. I think the days of feeling like a newlywed probably had more relevance when women lost our virginity on *the* night then spent the rest of the week with honeymoon bladder.
My only advice would be to please yourself and don’t ask family for advice because if you don’t take it they can get arsey. Last thing you want is to be lumbered with extra bills because someone had to have sugared almonds in polyester nets at every place setting.
Congrats by the way.
Buy a dress that fits you *now*. Do not do as I did and buy one two sizes two small and starve yourself in the three months preceding the wedding.
You don’t *have* to invite anyone. My wedding had 49 guests and I can still count at least 5 I could have done without having there on the day.
Either spend a bit on the DJ or just do your own playlist. We scrimped on this and I cringe when I think about how cheesy our DJ was.
Find yourself an amazing photographer – that and the string quartet that we had were my two favourite wedding buys.
Delegate. I didn’t have any bridesmaids and so I was up until 1am before the wedding doing all the flowers with my “best girl” when if I’d had a bigger bridal party we could have all mucked in.
Splurge on food and wine.
Put the time of the ceremony 30 mins earlier than it actually is. Traffic was unbelievably bad on our wedding day and if we hadn’t done this half the guests would have missed it.
If you want to save money on the cake buy polystyrene cake dummies and decorate with Fondant and then bake and freeze sheet cakes that you actually cut and eat on the day. You can do it weeks in advance and have a MASSIVE wedding cake without the expense/waste.
eBay is your friend. I bought my dress for £300 with the tag still attached for $2k and a pair of louboutins for £90 which had clearly only been worn indoors for a few hours.
Try to enjoy the planning stage!
I hated the idea of a wedding, but googled ‘low key wedding’ and found a brilliant website, A Practical Wedding which had wonderful advice (the main ethos of the site is whatever you want your wedding to be is a great wedding! Your choice). Second the advice to not have a gap in proceedings. We had a civil ceremony with drinks and canapés first, then everyone turned to look at us for the ceremony and then straight on to lunch. We also got ready together which was the only time we had alone on the day, and so pleased that we did that otherwise it really would have felt like we had the day just for other people.
I spent on rings and photos as those were the things I’d be keeping. I had friends who did the “everyone take photos” thing and didn’t end up with any good ones, missed people etc so bear that in mind. That being said my favourite photo was taken by a friend and that is the one we have up.
Dress like yourself and be open minded – for e.g I do not suit big and flouncy and would have been so uncomfortable. Likewise I never wear my hair up and didn’t on the day. I had no veil and did my own make-up. My wedding dress was actually a two piece corset and skirt which I had never even considered before I tried it on and it was perfect and only cost £400. I was encouraged to keep looking but it was right why would I? It’s ten years on and I love how I look in my wedding pics like never before or since.
Echo the above about not paying too much attention to what other people want – they will move on and forget their demands and you will seethe. Please yourself! You owe them food and a nice time and nothing more. It’s not their day sister.
I found the first year of marriage really hard. I freaked out a bit, felt a lot of family pressure, so just go easy on each other and don’t feel depressed if it all feels a bit shit and non honeymoony sometimes. It’ll be 11 years this summer and we are possibly the happiest we’ve ever been so remember it’s a, I’m not going to say the J word, but you know it.
I want to see everyone’s wedding pictures.
My best piece of advice: don’t fall for the myth of “THE dress.” Yes, you might fall in love with an expensive dress, but that doesn’t mean it’s “the one.” The industry wants you to believe that it’s worth it to spend big for something special, but the truth is there are many dresses that will look stunning, at every price point. I fell for a gorgeous dress that cost thousands, but I just couldn’t justify spending that much money on something I would wear for one day. Instead I kept looking, and found a sample dress that fit perfectly (no alterations needed!) and that I still adore to this day. It cost $175.
Make the day as easy as possible for your guests ( provide as much transport, food, drink, babysitting as you can)
Spend on the photos/ videos as you’ll pore over them after the day xx
You don’t need to spend lots for it to be a fabulous day. I got married in the village church with 30 close friends and family present. Then had a reception in the local Indian. Back to our (small!) house for cake, champagne and a bit of a street party then ended up in the pub. Perfect (well for me!).
Congratulations Katie! My advice is go abroad takes all the hassle out of it. My husband and I got married on the beautiful island of Kefalonia in Greece with our families and a few close friends. Everyone had a two week holiday and it was bloody fantastic!!! X
I love Kefalonia. We had a great pre kids holiday there x
We were on a budget and decided we wanted a party with all our loved ones dressed up as a “wedding”. We spent on the location (beautiful house everyone could stay in – we had foreign guests – with marquee in the grounds), food and wine. I got a cheapish dress, did my own make-up and hair. No cake or other extraneous fripperies (these not only increase cost but also organisation). Friend (who admittedly was a photographer) took a few pictures and another friend DJed. My focus was just to have a good time with all my family and friends, which insulates you from disaster – the forecast was torrential rain and I had a massive pimple, but I didn’t care (OK maybe a bit about the pimple!). This approach is opposite to some of the other recommendations, but we just wanted a great party without driving anyone bankrupt. We used hydrangeas for flowers – good value as a few make a big impression and no “arranging” involved. Good luck! xx
Congratulations Katie!
Things I was glad we spent money on: photographer, good booze, music (we had a pianist)
Things I was glad we didn’t spend money on: dress (floaty number in LK Bennett sale), cake (my mum made it), flowers (mother in law good with flower arranging and took herself off to local flower market the day before), bridesmaids (had none!), venue (we had marquee in grounds of village hall)
Things I wish I’d spent a bit on: hen night, well not that so much as organising a nice dinner with all your good friends. We had a baby when we got married so this was a bit out for me and I do wish I’d done it.
You’ll have to update us with your plans!
You should go out and have your hen night now, AnnaC. Get your pink angel wings on and book a weekend in Newcastle.
Congratulations Katie!
Things I was glad we spent money on: photographer, good booze, music (we had a pianist)
Things I was glad we didn’t spend money on: dress (floaty number in LK Bennett sale), cake (my mum made it), flowers (mother in law good with flower arranging and took herself off to local flower market the day before), bridesmaids (had none!), venue (we had marquee in grounds of village hall)
Things I wish I’d spent a bit on: hen night, well not that so much as organising a nice dinner with all your good friends. We had a baby when we got married so this was a bit out for me and I do wish I’d done it.
You’ll have to update us with your plans!
The flow of the day is worth thinking about and planning for. You don’t want guests getting lost/ hungry/ bored/ too pissed. And before it all started, I remember making a conscious decision to enjoy myself and not notice anything that did not go according to my meticulous plan – a bit like childbirth, really…
Congrats on your wedding Katie! I’m probably never getting married myself (down with the patriarchy!! No one loves me!!! Etc.) However, at the risk of being unpopular and as a guest at weddings many times over, here are some things I have observed:
– It’s your day and you can do as you please and fuck everyone else of course, BUT – this shit matters to people. If she thinks she’s your best mate and she isn’t asked to be a bridesmaid, she’ll care. If they’ve had you over to dinner more than five times and they’re only invited to the evening do, they’ll care. A friend of mine was just really hurt when his childhood friend chose four best men – none of them him – and he found out by email. I can’t tell you how many friendships I’ve seen irrevocably damaged by decisions about who should do what or be invited when. (If you know someone might be hurt by a choice you’ve made, at least explain to them why. ‘We’re only have blood relatives in the wedding party’ or ‘we could only do 60 for the dinner and he has a huge family, so let’s get together in a couple of months for a nice celebration dinner’ etc.)
– Money money money. It costs a lot to go to weddings, especially if you have to stay overnight, travel far from home and so on. It is nice to help guests out by suggesting car pools, arranging a discount price at a local hotel, or a taxi service from venue to train station.
– For the music it’s fun to get all the guests to suggest a song or two (depending on numbers) and then that is the playlist. Means everyone wants to dance to at least something.
– unless your mother/the groom’s mother is incredibly good looking, advise her not to wear florals. She will look frumpy in the wedding photos. Summer florals are only for the incredibly hot OR under-25s.
– ask some women to do speeches. Nothing worse than listening to men bore on all day.
-I was googling a girl I went to uni with who I haven’t seen since yesterday and she has started up her own business organising weddings. I remember very little about her other than she used to look great in a gillet – which is no easy feat – and knew about society stuff that I, from my deprived inner London suburb, thought had died out around ww2. Anyway her business looks good, and you can find it here: http://www.katrinalittleton.com
Me again … I do think that the photographer is one of the most important people at a wedding: My dress went to my favourite charity shop, the cake got eaten, the flowers died … but the photographs are simply wonderful. I picked a photographer whose style fitted with what I wanted: a few posed ones but mainly natural shots where people didn’t even realise they were being taken. And if your photographer is going to be there all day, please remember to feed them! Many of our guests thought our guy was another guest, he was that inconspicuous. Your photos will be the one thing that is still around in the years to come, a permanent reminder of your day. My cousin decided to save by not having a professional photographer, a friend’s uncle was supposedly a competent amateur and he did them for a fraction of the cost. They were terrible. And it’s fine to ask friends and family to take extra shots and give you them afterwards, but what if they’re too busy having a good time? Or are drunk and cut everyone’s head off the photos? If it’s a risk you’re prepared to take, then fine. Those disposable cameras on tables rarely work: just a load of blurry shots of table settings and tipsy guests. Oh! and for favours we gave everyone a alcohol minature: got a load online, and some of them were in lovely glass bottles (Disaronno). Gave everyone a free drink!
Congratulations, Katie! Agree with the comment above about who to invite or not. My husband and I paid for the wedding ourselves so we were pretty firm with relatives about who was going to be there. We were also restricted by the venue, which could not fit more than 100. We had 60 for the day and an extra 30 and introduced a couple of (arbitrary) rules to keep the numbers down: uncles and aunts, but no cousins, and only people we had both met (we had been together for four years by that point, so figured we would have met all each other’s important people). My mother really wanted to invite all her friends so she had a wedding party at her place a couple of months later, which was really lovely, and kept her attention off the wedding.
Wish I hadn’t bothered with flowers, and am SO glad that we did not have any favours- paraphrasing the comment above about flowers, when have you ever come away from a wedding in awe of the clever/charming/quirky favours? The other thing I am really glad we didn’t do was have a seating plan. We had two long tables, made sure everyone there knew at least one other person and it worked really well. If you do this, make sure you mark out your places, though, as you’ll inevitably be the last people to sit down and you’ll get the worst seats in the place.
Oh, and if you are not wedded (pun intended, ha ha) to the idea of being married in white, you can save a shitload of money getting a really gorgeous posh frock you can genuinely wear again.
PS YES to women doing speeches! Why not a mother of the bride speech? And a bride speech? (I did a brief one.) Also, my husband and I walked down the aisle together, which we loved. We also gathered at the venue 30 mins before the (civil) ceremony and had a glass of Pinns first, which made us all feel much more relaxed.
Oh this is a fun game! I’m going to say don’t worry too much about making things easy for guests. Either you pay or they do, and if you do (think open bar, providing accommodation for everyone, putting on transport), they’ll still moan. We had ours in London which was masses more expensive for us to make it easy for everyone and people still grumbled. It’s a great British pass time – essentially you can’t win so do what you like! Also, have someone put some sandwiches/leftovers in your hotel room for after the wedding. You’ll be too distracted to eat and will wake up hangry the next day. Not an ideal start to life together! Masses of luck and many congratulations!! Xx
Hi Katie! I got married just over a year ago and my one piece of advice would be to just spend money on the stuff you’re bothered about. We paid a bit more for a band we really wanted as it was important to us, then we bought all the flowers for the tables from aldi and put them in empty bottles with a bit of ribbon on them. Oh, and with photos, I would say go less for formal set up ones and more for ones of people having fun, those are the photos we love looking at, not the ones of us stood in a line with our families. Sorry that’s 2 bits of advice. I’ll shut up now.
Oh and attempting to get really nice bridesmaid dresses is a total waste, especially if they are all normal sizes. Choose a colour, order a bunch from
Asos and let them battle it out!
My advice is a little less financially-focused, but seriously, carry snacks in the days leading up to the wedding. I’m not kidding. I was required for so many errands and decisions that I was passed from person to person, never getting a chance to stop. They all had time to eat between errands, but as I was constantly in play, I was starved far too often. There is nothing worse than having a food-related strop in the middle of final prep. So yeah, my advice: make time to eat. And when there isn’t time, have a snack to hand.
On the day of, take time to step back and enjoy it for a minute. Grab your partner and sneak off to a space where you can view it all but are unlikely to be disturbed. Take in the scene for a few minutes together before you go back into the fray.
Advice from a 49yro – On the day be thin or the thinnest version of yourself you can be this day will be immortalised in a wedding album forever more so look damn lovely and that goes for every big day to come in the future communions confirmations kids first day at school those iconic photos you want to look shit hot. Spend no more than 15k on your wedding including honeymoon tickets, on the day itself do your own make up don’t bother with the falseness of fake tan boobs lips cheeks and hair!! I’ve seen brides that look nothing like themselves a totally false version and it’s just weird be as naturally beautiful as you can be oh and if you don’t normally wear your hair up don’t do it on the big day you don’t want to resemble Princess Anne! A really cute thing for the table along with the sugared almonds is a engagement photo on the photographers cards! Watch out for the flowers you pick they can be really expensive, and going forward remember a life together is one long voyage and on that trip you’ll love adore cherish hate want to separate find them annoying can’t stand them coming in the door argue scream stop talking!! This is all normal and part of a long life together its all about weathering the storm and coming out the other side and at the end of the day still saying I fancy you and still love you. Remember in your heart if he’s the one he will be the one you’ll want to be with till the end.
God, I had a hair trial with a local hairdresser to put mine up and I actually DID look EXACTLY like Princess Anne. Went with hair down for the day …
I’m somewhat blistered about marriage because I’m just about to notch up fifteen years and, although my husband is generally fabulous, he has been a total dick at times and we have sailed close to the wind. Perversely, whilst my feelings on marriage are generally positive, my thoughts on weddings are darker. I’m quite sour about the waste and whole fucking Pinterest nonsense that has taken over. It was bad enough in 2002, which feels almost pre-internet, but it’s just mad now. Mason jars and oversized letters picked out in lights. Cake tables, photo booths. Don’t have any of it. Don’t go anywhere near wedding magazines. They’ll make you feel that you need shit that you don’t need.
If I was marrying my boy again I’d grab him by the neck and say “are you absolutely fucking sure?” and make him scratch “yes” in the ground with his finger. I’d also not buy a single wedding magazine or look at Pinterest. I’d go and buy a highly stylish non-weddingy wedding dress, with not an inch of duchesse satin anywhere, that I could wear again to parties and other black tie shindigs. I’d make it more of an amazing party and a bit less of a ‘Big White Wedding’, which we did to please my husband’s family. I’d have more canapés than you think you need. In fact, I’d go from church to quick drink followed by wedding breakfast, without the two hours in between, and I’d keep endless food coming.
Things I’d keep the same: I’d get married on the 13th, because you make your own luck. I’d spend a lot of money on my veil, because you wear it for about three seconds, but being wreathed in featherweight silk tulle is a one-off thing and the symbolism is lovely. I’d have the best photographer we could afford. I’d have shitloads of booze flowing all day because people relax and tend to drink less if champagne is on tap. I’d spend as much on the honeymoon as we did on the wedding. I’d make sure I’d tick the elope box. I think if you can ask yourself “would I elope with this bloke?” a month or so before the wedding, and it feels really tempting, then you’re maybe onto a good thing with him.
A wedding is a lovely thing and you’ll make it yours, mistakes and all. I’d try and avoid a formula, but even if you end up having a Whole Nine Yards church / marquee trad, you’ll still have a lovely time. For all its bonkersness, there’s something rather lovely about being a bride and groom, running under an arch of your friend’s arms at midnight, wrapped in your expensive veil, off to your new life together.
Good luck. Swerve the mags and you’ll be fine.
Sorry. Errant apostrophe in that. Friends’ arms. More than one friend…
Being a wedding photographer myself, I find this a fascinating thread!
The sad truth is that being a bit bridezilla is inevitable. Everyone I know (myself included) felt pressured on the big day, worrying about all the details being perfect etc etc. and then in turn felt guilty about being a nightmare which makes it worse. So my advice is to expect it and own it. It is your party and you can cry/ scream/ panic if you want to. Whilst youre worried about what your guests will think, all of those people have turned up because they love you and want you to have the best day possible. So take full advantage and enjoy it. Everything will be fine after the first glass of fizz anyway. Xxx
If any part of the planning makes you feel stressed then don’t do it. We had a ten-year-beer to celebrate our 10 yr anniversary in which I wore my dress again, had a hog roast and ice cream van and a ruddy good time. So much less stressful than an actual wedding and made me realise that it was the friends and family who made both events. Good luck and enjoy xx
Guests – feed them early and feed them well. Don’t let the drink run out.
They will remember a great band. No one remembers the wedding favours – leave those out.
Get the bridesmaids to wear their own shoes. No one notices their feet and having to fork out £100 for hideously painful stilettos that you would never have chosen is annoying.
Don’t have any kids there, they’re a pain in the arse, and normally one screams through the service.
Make sure you drink loads of water the day before you get married…. I was so nervous and thirsty on my wedding day that I got properly hammered at my wedding reception. I look totally wasted in some of my wedding photos. I spent most of my wedding night and the next day being sick. Very romantic. I also can’t remember much about the day !
Just..also… in case anyone is searching for an alternative. We eloped, in secret, and it was amazing! We went to the Caribbean and sent ‘Just Married’ cards from heathrow as we departed, to our close relatives.
In the case of lots of family politics and not being too concerned about a big party this worked out perfectly for us. A totally blissful wedding-honeymoon in one. X
we did a mid-morning registry office, with just immediate family went for a pub meal (simple suit no flouncy frock) then huge family and friend party for an evening do. everyone said how much they enjoyed themselves. We had a video for the evening do.
Get a bossy-type sister/friend to help the photographer have the right people in the right places. the sooner they are over the sooner people can loosen clothing and relax a bit.
a good tip is not to wear uncomfortable shoes, have a comfy pair for after photos
Not married and can’t see myself ever being………..that being said, make sure your dress has a decent amount of material in the seams, so there is (literally) wriggle room if it needs to be altered. Just witnessed a stressful situation at work involving a dress with multiple seams, faith in the sales person that the very tight fitting dress would be fine and only needed to be let out, there not being enough material to let out all the seams, ending in 2 or 3 journeys across the Highlands to visit the dress shop, firmly worded emails, and understandable stress to get it sorted.
You asked about advice for being a newlywed as well as the wedding. My main bit of advice would be to learn how to have an argument constructively – ie “fight fair”. A reasonable summary here: https://cmhc.utexas.edu/fightingfair.html
Congratulations Katie!
My general advice would be, focus on the things you will remember – I guarantee the things magazines say you should care about are not the things you’ll look back on fondly. My wedding was 7 years ago and I remember what a fun time we all had, I couldn’t tell you what the tables looked like unless I look at photos.
We got married in America (so so cheap, and glorious weather) and the venue came with a wedding planner. She took all the stress away, all I had to do was sort my dress and bridesmaids outfits. No stress, no fussing over favours or flowers, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Invest in a decent photographer and on making sure everyone has good food, plenty of drink and a good time.
It’s just one day, and you’ll want it to be a great one, full of laughter and happy memories, but it’s the marriage that’s most important.
Best of luck!
Hi Katie! We got married last year and it went quite well, so my advice is…
1. You will never please everyone. Decide with your fiancé what is most important to you and prioritise your budget accordingly. We really wanted a great band and great food, so we paid more for them.
2. Have a practice photo shoot with your photographer. So important. We laughed at our friends for doing it, but our photographer, Anna, at
http://www.rosepaperscissors.com/wedding-photography/
recommended we do it and it was so helpful for knowing how to stand/smile etc. I actually wish I’d done a practice hair, make-up and smiling for photos session with my bridesmaids too. I can highly recommend Anna (we’re the couple leaning against a pillar on her website) and they do lovely stationary too, which probably would have been cheaper than my home made stationary.
3. I got my wedding dress from ‘Wed2B’ and no-one realised it cost me £300 instead of £3000. They have dresses in normal dress sizes, so you can try them on and know exactly what they look like, which I found so much easier than boutiques where they pin it around you.
4. I agree with previous comments regarding food times. Our wedding was 3pm, with canapés afterwards and the main meal 6.30/7ish- I made it clear on the invites so people would eat lunch before they came.
5. Reserve the right to be a bridezilla! If your family are driving you mad, just threaten to elope until they back down.
Good luck!
Buy comfortable shoes. Wear them round the house (covered by a pair of pop socks) for a few days beforehand – you can’t have shoes that rub.
Congratulations!
I totally agree with the short gap between ceremony and food. We had our ceremony and then everyone back to the house where we had v nice caterers serving canapés and lots of booze before leaving for the honeymoon that evening.
Everyone is also right about flowers. Pinterest/Instagram have a lot to answer for, I insanely did them all, got lots very reasonably at flower auction which was v cheap and we were on a very tight budget. No one really notices apart from the bouquet. We chose to spend the vast majority of our budget on the honeymoon as we were lucky enough to be able to have nearly a month off work.
If I had my time again I would definitely book a photographer. Unless you have a very talented friend who you can trust. My mother got remarried a couple of years after me had much nicer pictures 😐.
Hated my hair I had a good trial with the hairdresser and then on the day it looked fucking terrible ( not quite Princess Anne but close) and I was so fucking nervous in the morning I couldn’t really concentrate on it till afterwards then the horror dawned. So I would reccomend making sure you have an hour or half an hour where everyone just leaves you alone on the morning just to gather yourself and have a little bit of calm. Xxx
P.S. Don’t use dried petals as confetti. I did and they got stuck in my hair, dress etc. Big paper disc style confetti would have looked better on the photos too.
One thing that worked super well for us was having the cake as an afternoon tea complete with alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages straight after the ceremony. No one needs to be hangry on your wedding day if there’s a huge gap between the service and sitting down to eat. Plus if the cake has been made by someone special it gives it a proper showcase rather than being tucked in the corner uneaten and eventually cut after everyone has long lost interest in food.
Two other minor tips: 1. have your dress lined with silk that way if it’s hot you’re cool and if it’s cold you’re warm. It was 36 degrees on my wedding day. The silk saved me; and 2. if you can afford it get a good videographer. Having a moving record of the day is brilliant if you have relatives/friends who can’t make the wedding. The little 2 min precis that was made for us brings sunshine to my day every time I watch it and isn’t at all cheesy! The full length is a bit like sitting down to watch Hamlet but it is lovely to have!
Another comment about guests (sorry) is please take a bit of time to look after your older guests. Try, if you can, to have an area where they can get away from the music if they want to, for a bit of a chat and a rest. They will surprise you by how much fun they can have but they need to be fed and rested a bit more than other guests.
Make a speech! I’ve been to so many weddings of women who are brilliant, dynamic and funny but they end up sitting there silent. It’s so depressing. I made a speech because I wanted to say nice things about my family and maid of honour (and husband). I also went before my husband so I could make the best jokes first.
Also agree get the best photographer you can afford, as it’s what you have left after the day. And don’t do the rituals unless you really want to – we didn’t have a wedding cake or confetti. I did my own hair and make up (go to Bobbi Brown or similar first for a trial). And think about getting married not in the summer – we had an autumn wedding – bit cheaper, beautiful colour flowers and guaranteed average weather so we planned the whole day indoors. And agree totally on having loads of canapes. Nothing worse than hangry guests.
We’re clocking up 20 years next year. 2nd time round for both of us so we paid no heed to tradition, whatsoever. Travelled both to the (council owned) country house and down the aisle together. It was great, it can be super stressful, why wouldn’t you want to do this with the person you love the most? Lovely and relaxed waving to friends along the way. The wedding was £3k all in, including a few days at a fancy gaff in Florence (it was 1998!). Husband gave DJ a list of songs which if they played they wouldn’t get paid (he is a music snob). Friends still talk about how much they enjoyed the day. It doesn’t have to cost the earth to be fantastic. Do what YOU want. Enjoy your day! x
WOW what a lovely surprise I am totally overwhelmed and grateful, thank you so much Esther!! And thank you for all the wise and wonderful advice everyone, I’m drinking it all in! xx
You’re welcome Katie!!! GOOD LUCK! Some really great advice here. Sending you love for your big day and beyond!
Hi Katie and Esther. I have a sideline writing poems for weddings (and other ceremonies, but mostly weddings). It stems from not being able to find a reading I liked for my own wedding – it felt like I’d heard them all before at other people’s weddings, which wasn’t very personal, or they just weren’t very ‘us’. So I wrote my own. I’m good, honest – I’ve won competitions and been published and stuff!
Anyway, I love your blog Esther, and as everyone has already covered any wedding advice I have to give I would instead like to offer Katie a free bespoke poem. Check out http://www.ruthfry.co.uk and let me know if you’re interested. Xx
My now wife and I decided to get married about 8 years ago. We already had two kids and 10 years behind us, but it felt like a good thing to do. We approached a few venues and eventually, for no particular reason, settled on London Zoo. They said we could have a llama outside with our wedding sign around its neck.
After we’d paid the deposit, costs started escalating (“so that’s four more spoons at £1.50 per spoon hire” etc) and we ended up sat at the bar of our local, whinging at James, the then landlord of The Vine, when he suggested we could do it in his pub. They didn’t have a music licence, but if he liked the band, he’d make an exception. We called our two favourite bands. Ben Folds wanted first class flights from Nashville, five-star hotel rooms, and $100k; Chas and Dave wanted five grand and somewhere to park the van.
Eventually, we booked the registry office at Camden town hall, took the family in taxis to Sardo Canale in Primrose Hill, fed and lubricated 180 friends at a memorable cockney knees-up in the pub, followed by an after-party on the top floor of the Zetter Hotel in Clerkenwell. All for less than £10k.
Oo – one other thing. I got a text from my younger (already married) sister the night before. It read “Relax. You’re about to walk into a room where everyone is on your side.”
I’ve just booked a wedding for this April. Haven’t got very far with the planning yet but then I remembered this post and it’s invaluable. Thank you everyone!
Good luck Clare! xx