Shorts
We are nearly out of shorts season now but I need to address the Flappy Pocketed Cargo Short problem. In that the flappy pocketed cargo short is ridiculously dated, we all agree, in fact a lot of men wearing the FPCS right now will probably agree but the thing is, men find them so terribly useful because they can hold all their stuff. Because they don’t carry bags.
So to that I say fine – okay. Keep those FPCS as action shorts. BUT! Also, please, have some better shorts, too.
Something like these from All Saints:
Ralph Lauren do everything well:
And these from good old J Crew:
The modern man’s short ought to end on the knee, with a maximum of four pockets, none of which should be on the side of anything.
These you will wear to any summer event where the FPCS are just unacceptable. You are just going to have to leave all your shit piled up out of the way on a windowsill at the barbecue, or ask your wife or girlfriend VERY NICELY if she could make some space in her bag for it.
In fact, make a deal with her: say “Okay I will get rid of the FPCS if you never make a face again when I ask you to put my shit in your bag because I haven’t got pockets any more.”
Same goes for swimming shorts – please no more knee-length board shorts! I particularly like Love Brand at the moment because they donate a percentage of sales to an elephant conservation project.
Khaki chinos
Another thing I sent Giles away on his travels with that hotel show with was a khaki chino. I can’t tell you or explain why it ought to be olive green for girls and dusty brown for men when it comes to chinos but it just is. Dark green chinos on men aren’t a disaster but they slightly say Territorial Army.
A khaki chino is the ultimate Spring/Summer smart casual item, to be worn with confidence to meet grandparents, on Easter Day, to look round a school, to go to a frighteningly smart house for lunch, to a restaurant in town.
Giles’s chinos are from J Crew (I know that J Crew is featuring quite heavily in this entire series but they are just SO GOOD when it comes to menswear).
Navy blue chinos work, too. If the man is responsive, the cuffs can be rolled up a little for a relaxed summer attitude, to be worn with the Mulos or Birkenstocks. But don’t push it if he does a little pretend sick if you suggest this.
Jeans
I would say that the precise style and fit of jeans doesn’t especially matter. They just need to fit okay. The problem with a ratty or bashed up jean is this jean, plus the gross t-shirt, plus the fleece, plus the stinking trainers. A bashed up jean worn with other things will go unnoticed. Jeans shopping is so ghastly and painful that you might win the battle with the new jeans but lose the war in that he will refuse to contemplate any other changes.
Joggers
There is nothing wrong with tracksuit bottoms; it’s utterly revolting, stained, threadbare tracksuit bottoms that are so terrible. When I moved in with Giles he had a pair that were so digusting and worn out that they showed his… they were very… how do I put this without causing projectile vomiting? They were just obscene. He now has fresh pairs for relaxed days and they are perfectly alright for running weekend errands or for pre or post-sport. Pretty much any sort will do as long as they are in good condition.
For a jogger/trouser hybrid, I have seen these “Discipline Pants” STOP LAUGHING by Lululemon and they are extremely brilliant. I got some for Giles and they didn’t quite fit his footballer’s thighs but I have seen them on other men and they look awesome. They aren’t quite a trouser, not a jogger. Really expensive but very handy for all weekend activities. They also look shit in this photo, but they are better IRL.
Okay do you know I am bored with menswear now… I’m going to make my excuses and leave – back at you soon with… ACTIVEWEAR FOR GIRLS! WAHOO!
YAY for a return to girls! My husband decided to sort himself out a few years back so I’ve just skimmed through this series. Just one question though, if Giles has footballer thighs where does he buy jeans from? Or does he not wear jeans?! My husband is on constant lookout for an ‘athletic’ cut…
Here’s my dilemma – if they’re wearing chinos, what do they wear on their feet, especially if it is a more casual outing? We have this quandary weekly.
DESERT BOOTS
Just to add to this, if your chap is tall, Ted Baker Tall make good chinos. My husband is 6’6 and they fit off the peg. He has them in navy and brownish. Actually he also has a good bomber jacket in navy from there too. You have to be a bit careful because of the mad patterns on some of the stuff but if you choose wisely (capsule) it’s great.
Really enjoyed this series Esther xx
Can’t argue with any of the above, huge thanks Esther – will you be doing an Autumn/Winter version or has this put you off?
Actual LOL at Discipline Pants. This is v v timely as my husband has just authorised the emergency purchase (by me!) of new shorts for our holiday. Have just added some navy chinos to my shopping cart!
He is going to look HOT
OMG he just tried it all on; the chinos look AMAZING and he even likes the stripy t-shirt! When I said ‘shall we keep it all then?’ he nodded, and so then I pushed my luck and said ‘well maybe we can get rid of some of the older stuff then?’ AND HE AGREED!!!
OMG I feel faint; this is a remarkable wondrous day.
JLO we are the best
This has been very useful, I have been coming daily to read and make sure my hubby is not making any grievous errors and to help us (ahem – ME) pack for an upcoming trip. But we’re all quite narcissistic, aren’t we? I care mildly that my husband looks generally fine, but I can get seriously passionate about whether I am leaving the house looking good, and where to get the best value perfect navy cashmere sweater etc. In fact, your capsule posts for women and some of the comments on them pushed me down an internet rabbit hole on capsule wardrobes generally and how to curate your closet and conscious consumerism and it has all been a bit life-changing. So in other words – yay for more about us! (but thanks also for daring to tread where few do and wading in about the men)
Enjoyed the men’s section v useful just like when the Sunday times style does men and I think – ok great but when can we get back to talking about me? So am looking forward to the active wear, esp as am still wearing leggings from 1999 and a swimsuit that I think may have been on my uniform list in school? Please help. X
Brilliant. Boyfriend is usually very well dressed, but clings onto a couple of pairs of truly awful Carhartt multi pocket combat shorts despite my best efforts. A visit to J Crew may be looming soon. He also has a couple of pairs of these very expensive, but currently in the sale,Transfer trousers from Rapha, which are so good that I have been known to steal them myself. Basically posh merino wool jogging pant/ trouser hybrids. https://www.rapha.cc/gb/en/shop/transfer-trousers/product/TFT01
Thank you for this series which has been SO HELPFUL – I’ve managed to buy my husband a navy sweater, replacement polos and replace ALLLL his disgusting underwear without grumbles! Now to work on the sodding shorts…
Also for shorts – because shorts is the only option when you live on the equator (or nudity, I spose, but perhaps not in Singapore) – Uniqlo. Not a side pocket in sight, and only about 5p a pair.