You would think as we live in a rainy country we would be really good at wet weather gear of all sorts. But we are not, we are fucking hopeless.

Sure, if you are going fell walking, dog walking or if you are one of the 8 people in the UK who looks terrific in a trench coat, you’re sorted.

But what if you aren’t fell walking or dog walking and simply look like man in a trench coat (or, if you tie the belt up, a stripper)? What then? I can’t stand trench coats.

I wanted a simple navy thigh-length single-breasted coat, which would repel water. Nothing with a hood or toggles or giant pockets. Nothing with huge lapels or a fucking belt or giant buttons or epaulettes. Just a normal coat that happens to be waterproof. Is this too much to ask?

I searched for years for a chic navy raincoat and was astonished that you could only buy one at Burberry for an absolute fortune. My dad has one, which he bought 40 years ago and it still looks terrific, but sorry I simply cannot justify spending £750 on a raincoat even if it will still be going when I am 70.

Sorry, my mistake – the one I was looking at is actually over £1k, here. I mean WTAF.

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Actual Mackintosh, who invented the bloody Mackintosh have gone very high fashion and are doing such unutterably bogus and vile and stupid things with their current collection that I’m minded to write and complain to my MP about it.

NOT CAPSULE!!!!

Anyway last year I tracked down a good one from APC and they are doing something similar this year – not cheap, but APC isn’t cheap, but I love mine and has solved all sorts of problems for me:

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The closest thing I can find for a more reasonable price is something from Uniqlo, available in black or camel, like this:

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Or there is this, which looks very promising, from Arket.

 

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Obviously you will not wear it like this, like you are the Stasi coming to interrogate you or like a … sorry, like a… sorry I can’t really think of any other social stereotype that this model represents without getting loads of outraged comments. Why the hell do certain stores style their clothes like this? We don’t all want to look like ******** ** year-old *****-player.

You will wear it with the collar turned resolutely up, possibly also with the sleeves pushed up if it isn’t actually hammering down.

Please, if anyone has found a chic raincoat that IS NOT A trench, is not a dog-walking coat or from Rains or Stutterheim, please leave a handy comment in the box below.

***** Here is a link to a coat suggested in a comment below that I’ve had a look at and it looks absolutely just the ticket: http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Community-Clothing-Navy-Womens-Raincoat-/182252616752 *******