Don’t scream and throw things at me, okay? But I think for AW17 you need to think about getting a slip dress.

Not for wearing on its own, because as we will all remember from the 90s, it is a nightie and only Denise Van Outen circa 1998 and Cher “It looks like underwear” Horowitz can walk that kind of look off.

But before slip dresses went bad and people were wearing them for nights out on waterfronts over baby pink t shirts with their hair in those stupid Mickey Mouse buns they were great.

Regardez:

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Only kidding – I don’t expect you to smoke.

Consider a slip dress this season as just another layer, something to add a different length, or a critical element of sheen in the dark winter months. If you, like me, contract a non-specific chest infection and lost 1/2 a stone you could even wear it out for dinner with a black blazer over the top and some spike heels for full 90s mayhem.

(If you can get out of bed that is and aren’t just shouting down the phone at your doctor that the fucking antibiotics don’t work they’ve just given you thrush and somehow made you left-handed.)

Otherwise think about it over a black polo, or under an oversized sweater or cardigan or sweatshirt, with trainers. Just try it on with anything in your wardrobe you can think of and you will come up with something modern that you will love.

And I have found for you the most perfect black midi slip dress. No lace, good length, no fucking about. BUT it is from a shop of which I disapprove quite strongly, Victoria’s Secret. I don’t like the way that shop and that ridiculous wankfest Angels Show would have made me feel when I was 16.

But you can buy from there without being a devotee I suppose.

Here it is.

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I do this pose every time I put it on. I am currently more like a size 10 due to aforementioned consumption; I got this in an M and it fits – but there is room if I suddenly recover and end up eating loads of white bread and chocolate (likely).