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The modern notion, mostly on Instagram, of “weekend style” makes me laugh. Actually no it doesn’t make me laugh it makes me feel faintly angry that I am not embarking on a series of activities that can be performed in a red trouser suit, bubblegum pink sweater and ice white trainers.

Because while you are at brunch in the Wolseley, I will be spending the morning breaking up fights and chipping Weetabix off my surfaces, before taking my kids to the ruinously expensive pottery cafe where they will slop paint everywhere and have a neurotic breakdown if I suggest they might like to make a plate or a bowl or a cup and insist, INSIST, on decorating instead a hideous Hello Kitty figurine or a ceramic dragonfly, which they will then smash five minutes after I have fetched them, post-firing, two weeks later.

THEN there will be a playground where they will run around getting hot and sweaty while I stand in a corner getting cold OR possibly football or tennis or some other hellische organised activity.

Red trouser suit? Non.

I dress for the weekend like I’m going to war. And I’m very pleased with this new thing, which is a sort of hybrid sweater/puffa jacket thingy from White Stuff. I’ve got no problem at all with a puffa gilet, in a tight spot they come out fighting, but the advantage of this is that it also has fabric sleeves, so you can put it on over a t-shirt or over your pyjamas frankly and it does the job of long-sleeved top plus puffa gilet all in one.

Then you can put a raincoat or a smart coat or, hell, even your new Reserved leather jacket over that and you will be prepared for almost anything.

Also terrific for after a spin class, (which I haven’t actually been to for 4 months because of chest infection/laziness), or nipping to the shops or anything. Don’t give me hassle about the blue and the black together – this is a perfectly acceptable colour combination these days. Keep up!