I am just so sick and tired of seeing this stupid bag everywhere, all summer.
Everywhere except in real life, I mean. When I say everywhere, I mean on Instagram. It’s a stupid bag, basically a fruit bowl with handles; it only looks good if it’s empty and it may or may not rain shrapnel and tampax all over the street – like Captain Barbosa drinking wine in his cursed skeleton self – should you dare to put anything in it.
And I’m not envious of it because it’s only £115. Even I, with my very modest freelance income, could buy it now on Net a Porter and be swinging it around by 4pm tomorrow.
It’s not like the other very famous bags that I hate, like the Chloe Drew or that slushy Balenciaga one with bits hanging off it, those I may well dislike just because I cannot afford them, I really don’t know.
I think what it is I dislike about it so much is how much it is pushed on us. I don’t know enough about Instagram to know if Cult Gaia just gift it like mad to Instagrammers, or they genuinely think its cute and buy it for themselves.
I know this latter reason seems unlikely but, considering the price and also considering that all things Gucci are insanely ubiquitous, despite the brand never gifting anything to anyone, (or so I hear), it might not be out of the question.
Personally, I prefer to think of Cult Gaia as purposefully flooding Instagram with this stupid bloody bag, which I’m sure functions perfectly well as a fruit bowl with handles, or as an accessory for really fucking dedicated fashioners in New York, but I loathe being made to feel like I ought to own it. Like I ought to want it. Treating me like a punk.
I have only ever seen one person in real life with this bag, in the South of France, and she looked like an absolute tool trying to hold it and deal with it and get over the fact that she was carrying a real-life IT bag – and live her life with any semblance of grace at the same time.
So my resolution between now and September is to instantly unfollow any Instagram account that features the Ark bag (this is not a threat, just a declaration of intent) – because this isn’t fashion, this is a cult. And I’m escaping.
Sharon Summers says
Hahahahahahaha – you da BOMBADINO!!!
Emporer’s new clothes! I’m a south London girl by birth and in my early teens I had bag identical to this which I bought at Deptford market for about £1 – this would have been the early 80’s – every teenage girl I knew had one. Just to put it in context, Deptford market wasn’t exactly like Dover Street Market…
I’m a lawyer not a statistician obv, but Christ on a bike, inflation wouldn’t justify that hike.
It was also bloody useless.
We had funny little baskety bags in the ‘80’s in bloomin’ Devon, just remember constantly knocking it over and stuff falling out. Also tried to cram school books in (style over education obvs).
It’s a fucking ugly bag. It’s the sort of thing that if I saw someone with it, I’d be wondering, God what were you THINKING??? Reminds me a bit of the string bags that my friends and I had in the early 80s: our excuse was we were young and daft. And actually, those bags were better than this.
How do you even put it down?! Would it not just roll back or tip over each time you had to get something out of it?! I haven’t seen this before but now it’s making me irrationally angry despite having zero intention of ever buying one!
Warren Hunt says
Your right they are ridiculous and anyone with one should be shunned as the fashion slave they are! 😏
no-one is going to shun anyone …
Reminds me of some wicker cat carriers I bought which I thought were lovely but totally impractical. Couldn’t get the massive kittens out of the stupid tiny holes in the front especially with them gripping on to the wicker bottoms with their claws. Except that bag isn’t even lovely, it’s a travesty.
This is the kind of thing that prompts me and my husband to shout “we’ll make them brush their tongues!!”, like that Mitchell and Webb sketch. The last thing was books turned with the spines facing backwards on shelves, to give a neutral look to the room.
Emily A says
I guess it never rains in Instagram world – because god, can you imagine the soggy tissues / wet notebooks / ruined tampons clumped at the bottom after one hefty downpour?
Agreed. It’s a bit barf. Not to mention beyond impractical. Can just see myself carrying this whilst pushing youngest son on the swings…….🙄🤢🤢🤣🤣
Yes it does look like Miss Marple’s (tried to autocorrect to Markle – WTAF) sewing basket. However, if you could do a blog on practical summer tote bags of all budgets that WOULD make my week/month/dare-I-say-summer?
LOL this is too funny. the bag looks to like those magazine holders from the 70s that always got dusty and grimy. #unfollowthewickervictims
Did you see the bigger ones? They look like they’re carrying round a Venetian blind.
I liked it when I first saw it, but yes the bloggers and influencers do all seem to have it. I even looked at the website but it’s much too much for what it is. I emptied out my 70’s raffia knitting bag and used that instead 😆
I thought the point of a bag was to hold things safely inside it… this hideous thing just seems to be a prop for ‘grammers to hold onto in posed photos, thus doing away with the “what do I do with my hands?” conundrum…
I’m sure it’s inspired by some exotic tribal fishing trap. Form follows no function whatsoever.
Am still looking for a good discrete saddle bag. Any idea how useful brown vs wine colour would be?
if I had to pick one, it would always be tan. if I had to pick two, it would be black and tan. if I had to pick THREE… it would be black, tan and wine ….
Thank you. Am leaning towards tan saddle bag quest.
Amy E Bridge says
I had one of these in the early 80’s, it cost about $1.50 from World Bazaar. We wove ribbons through them to a) create some individuality, and b) to keep shit from falling out of them.
hahaha! this, in Dutch weather, would be great
I have a lampshade v similar to this
angy williams says
tampax shrapnel ! – hilarious snort