Right, so I have decided to let carbohydrate back in.

Are we still cool?

After reading some stuff and writing some stuff and talking to some people, I have concluded that I am not doing a low-carb diet with enough courage or conviction for it to be effective, and also I don’t think I need to eat much meat any more, (getting old, feel sorry for the cows and pigs and sheep), and also I miss spaghetti.

I’m not talking about hitting the chips, sugar, doughnuts and pizza – that shit is still evil and rots you from the inside out (brainwash, brainwash).

Instead, I have put myself on a small-portion, high-fibre diet. Which means letting back in wholewheat spaghetti and eating a lot of rye crackers, globe artichokes, porridge and cannellini beans – (not all at the same time) – and I’m in heaven. If you’re wondering if this has lead to a potentially marriage-wrecking increase in personal gas, then rest assured that personal gas levels are stable.

The keywords here, which I think are going to be a really big deal in the next 5 years, are PORTION CONTROL. The fact is that you can’t eat a shitload of anything – not really. Except fucking salad and kale or whatever, but I don’t think anyone is in danger of doing that.

Of all the foodstuffs I have missed most in recent years, it’s been pasta. Now I have it about twice a week – sometimes three times! – the secret is to get the brownest, chewiest stuff imaginable and only have a tiny amount. A portion for me for lunch or dinner is 30g, which looks like a ridiculously tiny tangle in the bowl but in fact, is enough. The breadcrumb topping is optional, but really nice.

I made this today for my husband and it was freaking awesome.

Courgette pasta for 2 with crunchy garlic breadcrumbs 

60g rough wholewheat pasta

1 small courgette, grated

1 small handful parmesan

olive oil, salt and pepper

For the breadcrumb topping

1 slice any sort of bread

1 knob butter stop giggling

1 sprinkle chili flakes

1 clove garlic

some lemon zest

some parsley – small handful?

1 whizz the bread in a whizzer with the garlic, some salt, the parsley, chilli flakes and lemon zest then fry it very slowly and gently in a pan with some butter for about, I don’t know, 10 minutes? until brownish and crunchy. maybe chuck in some capers? might be fun.

2 boil the pasta!!! (this is an instruction I don’t think I’ve ever given in 9 years of recipe writing) and drain, drizzle with olive oil and then add the courgette. Do not be freaked out by this! The courgette will add freshness and crunch and when you turn it in the warm pasta for a few minutes it will also go a bit creamy: ALL GOOD, without the necessity of having actual courgetti, which my husband simply refused to countenance.

3 Turn the courgette in the pasta over a very low heat for about 3 minutes and then add half the parmesan and stir to melt slightly. Season! Why the hell not.

4 Divide between two warmed bowls, then scatter over the rest of the parmesan and the breadcrumbs and greet like an old friend, not a foe.