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Turning 40 – Ask the Spike

I have had a couple of pertinent questions about outfits for 40th birthday parties and also school or university reunions (where most people will be 40). One question even asked about a 40th birthday party “capsule” as she had more than one event coming up that would have the same people at it, so could not wear the same showstopper dress to all parties. And as you know I am pathetically desperate to please, so here we go.

CAPSULE PARTYWEAR

I would say the absolute building-block of any wardrobe, no matter where you are going or what you are doing, is a pair of black trousers or jeans. Especially when it comes to parties – no-one will see your bottom half, so it might as well be a pair of black trousers as anything else.

I know I bang on about them, but this pair from Frame denim are absolutely terrific. Loads of stretch and a nice weight of material that will not add any bulk to any area.

Here is a pair from TopShop if Frame is out of the question (ignore the insanely skinny model – they will fit normal people too). These jeans have the advantage of coming in Petite and Tall).

If a trouser is more your thing, JLP womenswear collection have a very good pair of slim, black tailored trousers:

 

Other Stories are very good on trousers and they have a lot in at the moment – I mean from the picture it’s just impossible to tell if these will look okay on a normal-shaped person, my advice is just to order about 4 different pairs and try them all on.

Once you have found a really brilliant pair of black trousers, evening wear is pretty much your oyster. To be completely of the moment I would say buy one or two really wacky blouses to wear on top. Blouses are just so incredibly now, right now (see the blue one that hit girl wears in an episode of Killing Eve – channel her).

If you need more evidence, the last few times I have seen Alison Loehnis, who is the CEO of Yoox, she has been wearing black trousers with a phenomenal, billowing blouse on top – and if it’s good enough for her it’s good enough for us. Possibly too good?

This one from Equipment is wonderful. There is only an L left, but unless you are very petite, give it a go as you want it nice and loose. If the cuffs are too loose, you can move a button.

This is also great and incredibly good value from Michael Kors (it also comes in green):

Another absolute bargain – this will suit you best if you have a small frame:

Cor and look at this one! See by Chloe for £100 – come on someone’s got to have it…

I love this mad one from Sister Jane. It has the air of Prada or Gucci or something about it

And look at this tremendous thing:

I have mentioned before how much I love this 70s one. I am VERY close to buying it for myself.

SHOES

Nothing uncomfortable, ever. As above, at a party no-one will really notice your shoes so there is no point crippling yourself with some seksay pair of torture heels.

Now, look, these are bloody marvellous from Ted Baker:

You could stand up all night in these and still be smiling:

If that level of minimalism is just too depressing for you, these look comfy, in gold:

This style of sort of fetish Victorian bootie thing are about to come right back into fashion, if you’re feeling edgy

These are absolutely standard and will do right by you:

I am so into these embellished bovver boot things at the moment. If I didn’t already have a pair of buckled ankle boots I will get these because I tried them on and they were amazing. Absolutely 100% okay to wear in the evening and look so incredibly cool with some sort of floaty dress OR your black trousers and blouse.

 

SHOWSTOPPERS

For those of you who need or just want a WOW dress for a big 40th coming up, or maybe your 40th, here are the dresses I really rate right now.

This yellow cutie from Claudie Pierlot

I love this velvet mini dress – to be worn with black opaques and boots.

This from Kitri is bonkers but very forgiving and wearable

From the revamped Karen Millen – who I think is doing vg things at the moment – a dress to wear if it’s YOUR 40th. Though you do have to be in pretty good nick to wear this without feeling like a loonie

Ba&Sh are doing some wonderful dresses at the moment. I wore my black prairie dress from here all summer and was constantly asked where it was from.

This one is pretty amazing:

Utterly love this one – I picked it out for my friend Charlotte for the christening of her daughter, it’s really great – a bit Vampire’s Wife (but not too much)

I’ve got a lot of time for this one from Asos, which looks a lot like a Maje one from last year (but no-one will know that except me)

 

 

ONE LAST THING

As always, if you are dressing for a high-pressure event, make sure you just buy lots and lots of things online – literally spend £1k on your credit card – and mentally commit yourself to sending back absolutely anything that isn’t quite right. Leave yourself at least 3 weeks, if possible, before an event or series of events to find your outfit

Actually another thing – don’t forget you can literally wear any old black dress you’ve already got to any party and you’ll look fine.

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Comments

  1. ysl78 says

    September 25, 2018 at 11:05 am

    I celebrated mine in a bikini this summer 😀

    Reply
  2. Sharonma says

    September 25, 2018 at 11:23 am

    Love the skinny jeans and flowy blouse look, would you tuck it in? Do you not have to have a super flat tum to look ok tucked in? I have an event in mind for that asos dress, would be just perfect.

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      September 25, 2018 at 1:55 pm

      The glorious thing about a blouse is that you can tuck the bottom edge in and leave an overhanging bit to waft gently over and disguise anything you’d rather have disguised. If you do feel a little self-concious about that area, definitely go for one with a pattern. You can lit be 4 months pregnant and no-one would know x

      Reply
  3. Soph says

    September 25, 2018 at 11:31 am

    THOSE BOOTS! I must own them. MUST. xx

    Reply
  4. Jo says

    September 25, 2018 at 11:48 am

    I saw Kate Silverton in the most amazing pink leopard print blouse last night from Tabitha Webb and now I have to have it. She is rocking it at 48. Agreed blouses are the thing!

    Reply
  5. Cindy says

    September 25, 2018 at 12:02 pm

    That velvet dress!!!!

    Reply
  6. Anonymous says

    September 25, 2018 at 12:04 pm

    That BA&SH dress is divine.

    Reply
  7. Louise says

    September 25, 2018 at 12:26 pm

    Yum 🤪 – literally edible recommendations today Esther! Good job. Now going out to buy myself a 43rd birthday capsule wardrobe 👍💕

    Reply
  8. Lucu says

    September 25, 2018 at 12:37 pm

    This is invaluable. Thank you! I have a 40th party to go to on Sat. Last one I was mildly fat shamed (I’m a 14)by my very overweight friend so won’t be wearing the dress I had planned. Can I get away with blouse, boots and pleather trousers, in a 🖕🏻to the fat shamer (who will also be there🙄) Am thinking edgy rocker without going to far. Or am I being a total twat??

    Reply
    • Petra says

      September 25, 2018 at 9:51 pm

      I love this look although I am 52 so that may put you off! I try to make some part of any outfit a bit less ‘done’, or I can find myself looking the same as the lovely twee 62 year olds wearing the same outfit. So maybe slightly knackered trainers rather than smart boots? Or very casual hair and no jewellery? Wear what makes you feel great, give your friend a big hug and tell her she looks amazing. Hope you have a wonderful time. X

      Reply
      • Cindy says

        September 26, 2018 at 10:30 am

        Great bit of advice from Petra. Who are these people fat shaming their friends? Jesus. I hate parties but the bit I like is seeing what everyone is wearing and telling them they look great.

        Reply
        • esthermcoren says

          September 26, 2018 at 10:59 am

          Yes sorry everyone I am slightly late to this – Lucu I’m sorry your friend felt the need to put you down – probably – in order to make herself feel better (why does anyone ever put someone else down ever except for this reason?). I agree that Petra’s advice is very good

          Reply
          • Lucy says

            September 26, 2018 at 11:28 am

            Thanks ladies!
            Will take advice on board
            1. Casual hair
            2. No jewellery
            3. don’t punch friend in face.
            On it!😘

    • Hannah says

      September 26, 2018 at 10:17 am

      Fat shamed at size 14 by a very overweight “friend”?! Jealous much?

      Reply
  9. Janine says

    September 25, 2018 at 1:15 pm

    Oliver Bonas also doing lovely blouses atm.

    Reply
    • Linda says

      September 27, 2018 at 7:31 am

      Yes I’ve noticed that too

      Reply
  10. Nichola says

    September 25, 2018 at 1:19 pm

    If you want to feel amazing go and get a really good blow dry or your hair put up at the hairdressers on the day of the event, it’s really worth it.

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      September 25, 2018 at 1:41 pm

      yes this is quite right – I was going to suggest doing this or even getting an in-home blow dry via one of those apps like Ruuby or whatever and then didn’t so thank you for adding this

      Reply
  11. Jacky says

    September 25, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    You’re so right Esther about the shoes – you can stand up all night on a pair of blocky heels and feel no pain.
    And DEFINITELY plan at least 2 weeks ahead especially if you have a few events to go to! Try the outfits on at home in advance when you’re in different moods, too, so you’ll feel right when it comes to the night.

    Reply
    • esthermcoren says

      September 25, 2018 at 3:15 pm

      no more uncomfortable shoes ever for anything ever

      Reply
  12. Sharon in Scotland says

    September 25, 2018 at 6:11 pm

    40 was fine. I did not acknowledge my 50th in ANY WAY. I was genuinely appalled, I stayed at home by myself and completely ignored it and wiped it from my memory.
    I’m 55 in December and have got over myself, so I’m looking to have a retrospective 50th. I’m finally going to do a TM course and am on the look-out for what else to do!

    Reply
  13. Janie says

    September 25, 2018 at 9:43 pm

    Just did my 50th in Ba&Sh dress and got lots of nice comments. Going to wear it with knee high boots to an investment meeting on Thursday.

    Reply
  14. Lib says

    September 26, 2018 at 7:09 am

    Ahhhh a beautiful last sentence – sooo true ! Xx

    Reply
  15. Jules says

    September 26, 2018 at 2:37 pm

    What a wonderful timely post. Going to a wedding on Saturday and very late to getting an outfit together. Have unearthed 2 pair of wide crepe trousers in black and blue so now will only buy a stunning blouse that will instantly transform me into a complete babe. God I’m in trouble ….

    Reply
  16. Jules says

    September 27, 2018 at 5:50 pm

    Just bought this blouse in Amsterdam from Zara. It’s really lovely! Not sure if it’s available in UK but it was as cheap as chips. That’s sort me out for my wedding on Saturday.

    Reply

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