I’m incredibly angry with someone at the moment. I am punch-the-wall, scream into the abyss furious. This is unusual – when I was young and angry all the time I was constantly having ranty hypothetical conversations with people who had slighted me or taken against me (because I was so angry and snarky and rude all the time to everyone).
But now I just bumble about. I have learned that it is more powerful to be sort of blankly nice and serene all the time than admit to the world that it has got to you. If I’m annoyed with someone I complain to my husband – or ring next-eldest sister if it’s really bad – but mostly in the morning I’ve forgotten about it and I am grateful I did nothing about it.
But this is a different order of things. My husband is kind of horrified at how angry I am. If I ring my sister and start telling her I will never stop ranting. The details don’t really matter – I ought to clarify that this is a woman but she is not a relative. If you’re reading this and you’re worried it’s you, it’s not you (if that makes sense). Even if she would never, ever see or read this I’m not sure I’d go into the whole sorry story – really, the details don’t matter. This is also nothing to do with hormones – I checked.
My question for you – (because I’m not seeing my shrink again until next Friday, otherwise I’d just tell her) is – how do you let go of justified rage? My instinct is simply to go round complaining to absolutely everyone, but what good will that do, really – in the long term? I just look mean and sore and it only adds to the misery of the world. How do I metabolise the rage into understanding? What emotional solution or distillation will dissolve it into something inert?
How do I get on with my not-unbusy day, which kind of requires reasonably serene state of mind? How do I not let anger win?
How, Spikers… how? Please leave a comment in the handy box below.