God it’s like I can’t turn around twice without needing to write about booze again.
I’m not off it completely! But obviously I had to take a break from it in January because December was, as usual, like aversion therapy. Around about the first week of December I have to switch to spirits because wine is too inefficient and in the third week of December I had such a terrible hangover that I couldn’t get out of bed until 10.30am because I thought I was going to be sick. Sick! A vomity hangover! Like I was a teenager.
When you don’t drink for a bit, and the paranoia and the head-whispers have a chance to subside, you do achieve clarity. That bit is true.
I’m not in denial about drink or why I drink, though I am a classic alcoholic – or perhaps classic “drunk” is a better term. I drink in order not to have to have a feeling or emotion I don’t want to have. Chiefly that feeling is boredom, but I will also cheerfully drink to avoid feeling lonely, frightened, anxious, stressed or ashamed. Drink until whatever feeling has gone and then you’re alright.
But. But, but. Alcohol is a jealous mistress. Once she has you, she is not inclined to let you go. And quite soon I find I am not drinking because I’m bored or ashamed or whatever, I’m drinking because she wants me to drink and keep drinking until it’s all gone and then go out and get some more.
And I get barmy delusions of grandeur about it all. I am suddenly like Bernard Black saying: “You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3AM, you do sometimes look at yourself and think: ‘This is fantastic! I’m in heaven!'”
It’s why moderate drinking doesn’t happen unless you really are a very together person. My husband is very good at drinking moderately but he has been in therapy for nearly ten years. That’s what it takes.
Listen, I don’t want to suddenly have the air of an evangelical teetotaller about me. But for the first time ever I have not taken one token week off drinking and then piled back in on the 10th, clanking around again with gin bottles in my pocket, bloodstream 25% Ibuprofen and 15% Nytol. The rest ethanol.
This week I had one glass of champagne at a celebratory lunch for something or other and last night I had one tiny glass of red wine with my dinner like a grown-up and that was it.
I could have sloshed the whole bottle down, like the good old days. But I suddenly, with clarity, saw where that would take me and decided not to. It helps that not drinking has, in two weeks, completely changed my face, specifically the dark circles under my eyes and general puffiness.
Not even Kate Moss can mainline white wine for years and look alright so why would I be any different? Anyway vanity has got the better of me. I see now, I see with clarity, what it was all doing to my face.
Of course the problem is the boredom, which is the chief agent of my mild alcoholism; I am not in the middle of a good book at the moment and my husband and I are not watching anything on telly. So the hours between 5 and 8pm really are critical. I am so completely socially and physically conditioned to have a drink at around 6pm and watch the evening slide by that when I am suddenly really extremely present in the moment, it’s hard to know what to do.
When my husband is out I gladly lose myself in that TV show Luther, which my husband doesn’t watch because he just feels too much like they’re “all pretending”.
I had dismissed Luther as quite a boring police procedural thing with Idris Elba being gruff and handsome but in fact it is bonkers. Really really mad stuff with writers who will do anything, say anything, make up any sort of bananas serial lunatic and cheerfully kill off characters left, right and centre if they think it will keep you hooked. A little bit, now I think about it, like alcohol.
And how about you? Where are you in your booze cycle?
Oh my goodness, yes! It’s the boredom! I had this realisation recently – I drink because it’s something to do. Same as you, Esther – what to do between the hours of 5 & 8? We don’t have children so we’ve decided to get a dog, with whom I can spend hours tromping through the local woods. And then take to the pub after for a swift pint of ale. Hurrah!
Not sure what category I fall into, I’m a drinker and vaper, but only socially unless I haven’t been out for a week or so then I will hammer into booze for an evening. I’m not for just one drink, just don’t see the point of a glass of wine.
To be honest when I go out, whether it’s with my husband or friends I will always end up pissed and then spend the next day in my dressing gown on the sofa. But in-between I am a runner and I’m very active, does that make a difference? I have no idea. But I can go for about 10 days without a drink and then I binge drink which is not good. So I have no pearls of wisdom on this subject …. it also depends on your situation.
My god-daughter’s mother was my wing man in London and we ripped it up for years, but now her daughter is eight and she works full time so has very little opportunity to drink and can’t handle the hangovers. But when she came to stay with me she reverted straight back to type.
All I can say is everybody is different, I have seen some people who can drink a lot but don’t have a problem. I’ve seen people who don’t drink much but are clearly in trouble. My first husband was an alcoholic so I have some insight. My feelings is if you feel it’s a problem then seek help, but if it’s just a habit which can be broken then go for it.
I have a very weird relationship with alcohol. When I was younger I had an unhealthy relationship with food, and now alcohol has replaced it – quite literally, at times, as I have passed on dinner in order to get my drinking done. I can’t stop at one glass of wine: I kid myself that I can, and need to try, and then after the first glass I think, oh, another won’t hurt … then before I know it I’m wondering why there’s only an inch or so of wine left in the bottle. I have a compulsion to finish the bottle, too: I’ve been known to pour what’s left down the sink if I can’t face necking it, as I know that if I ‘leave that bit for tomorrow’, not only will I drink that bit, but I’ll open another bottle straight after and start all over again. It was becoming a real problem. I’ve been doing dry January – I hate the concept, but thought it might be time to try and figure out if I’m actually turning into an alcoholic – and so far I’m dry. Can’t believe I’ve actually made it past the half way mark without caving, and not even really missing the alcohol. I am really going to try to keep it up, as my skin is clearer, my head is definitely clearer, I’m sleeping better … and I’m being nicer to the children. And I must have saved a shed load of money.
I was trying to have a dry Sunday binge watching Luther last weekend I got so stressed about that bloody nutty serial killer I had to open the wine to calm my nerves, even though the storyline was completely bonkers and made no sense! Ive bought another self help book about giving up alcohol something about the joy of being sober (not convinced yet?) alas its unopened on my bedroom floor I HATE people who can do dry January 🤢
First off, I’m really pleased for you! I’d love to know how hard or easy you’ve found it as I think we share a similar attitude to drinking and alcohol.
After a hideous year health wise last year I’m trying to be more moderate and stable in all things this year. This is the first year for ages I’ve decided not to put pressure on myself and go for a set period of abstinence. Which means I beat myself up less as I don’t get set in the guilt trap which often results in me thinking fuck it and drinking more, to feel less guilty.
I’m not great on spirits but my husband and I have no trouble getting through a bottle of fizz / white, bottle of red and then possibly another bottle of red on a Friday and Saturday. I’ll have at least one glass of wine most nights. It’s part boredom, part pleasure. I love a really decent glass of claret, Barolo, Chablis whatever and it relaxes me. My husband’s working away from Mon-Fri in Rome so I’m solo parenting which also necessitates wine. Or does it? I definitely have a dependency but I also physically can’t drink beyond a certain point and get hammered as my body just won’t do it. Does that stop me from being an alcoholic? I find this such an interesting conversation because rarely are women as honest as they should be about their relationship with alcohol. And you are, so high is great. It’s making me think in a much more adult way about my relationship with wine. And it does very much feel like a relationship with all the messy highs and lows!! I can’t ever see myself being tee total but I’d love a more mindful relationship with alcohol. Xx
Every time I try to be abstemious (for instance, having two wine-free nights a week), I end up drinking more on the permitted evenings. A mix of wanting to compensate for the past/future deprivation, and the allure of the forbidden fruit suddenly becoming heightened. And I completely empathize with the 6pm “well what the hell else am I supposed to do?” feeling on the wine-free nights. I often go to bed at 8pm just to get through it!
I am ok at having no booze, and incredibly good at having shed-loads of booze, but almost completely incapable of having a single glass of wine. I am also hopeless at any social situation without a drink (which means lots of drinks). I don’t like people enough to mingle at any manner of social gathering without booze and a trip to the pub without having a pint just seems a bit pointless. So I try to not drink Mon-Thur (unless I am out, obviously). Then I binge drink my way though Fri-Sun. Not helped by the fact that my 7 year old casually locates and opens bottles of beer, unasked, at 7pm on a Friday. I am either an amazing mother or a fucking disgrace.
This is very timely for me. As I’m sure it is for a lot of people.
I’ve just done ten days off the booze and I’m pleased to say I didn’t fall back into the bottle tonight. I may have a few drinks this weekend but I’m going to try bloody hard to maintain the re-set.
Some clever person recommended the book ‘This Naked Mind’ to me on Insta last year and it’s been incredibly helpful. Interestingly, it’s also very close to what my psychiatrist was saying about booze last week. But it didn’t cost me $320.
Well, I am half way through dry January and, as always, loving it. I think I have two modes- 1. happily not drinking, not missing it, enjoying the mental clarity and lack of hangovers BUT falling asleep at about 9.30 every night, or 2. drinking too much as soon as the children have gone to bed, staying up late and having lots of fun and then feeling like shit the next day, not only hungover in body but also in spirit, feeling unfocused and irritable and sort of existentially grubby (to be fair, I get a hangover like this on half a bottle of wine these days- hardly Oliver Reed).
Common sense would say give up entirely but I don’t really know how, especially as so much of my social life is built around alcohol (I have friends who’ve said “let’s get together… in Feb when you’re drinking again” which is hardly encouraging). I wish there were an easy way of just giving up alcohol without having to justify it by first developing a bottle of vodka-a-day drinking habit. I’m currently feeling annoyed that my MIL gave me two vouchers for a champagne tasting night at Berry Bros in February for Christmas- what a fabulous gift- but it means I’ll have to give up my lovely abstinence.
I hate being so all or nothing about it. (Writing this has just reminded me of a brilliant thing you wrote ages ago, Esther, about people who claim to be “all or nothing” and it never meaning that they insist on doing all the washing up, drying up, putting away and wiping down surfaces but rather, always, that they get pissed a lot. It still makes me chuckle.)
woah!! that is vintage… respect xx
If you want to give up the booze have young teenagers in the house. Not because they steal your drink but because you have to drive them everywhere, at short notice..
(Me, just after pouring a G&T and realising son #1 isn’t home yet: ‘where are you?’ him: ‘just going into the cinema, can you come and get me at 9.30?’)
and late at night so you simply can’t have a drink, ever really. There’s nothing like air cadets or netball squad that ends at 9.30pm on a Friday night 20 minutes away to put you off your vodka. That said, I do have one G&T on a Friday night, another on a Saturday and then wine on Sundays with my supper – like a proper puritan. And I do feel a bit perkier for it.
‘Drinking: A Love Story’ by Caroline Knapp – you might enjoy reading that.
Gawd, first the simpleton from prison post and now this. Please may the great writing not be due to sobriety! I am the exact same except I have never stopped, can’t, and have no “clarity”. Every night I have a small battle with myself, then a glass of wine. I do everything you say but also use alcohol etc as a means of control. In the morning I want to wake up, so I have a coffee. Then in the evening: kids in bed, chores done, time to relax – wine. I have recently started setting an alarm so I stop at 9.00pm to improve my sleep, which I’m somewhat following. Sad. What’s even sadder is that I felt so worried about my drinking I even went to the doctor. But I still didn’t stop. Further, I found out a week later the doctor’s son was my three year old’s best friend at nursery. Angst. Still didn’t stop.
Brave of you to share like this. I think it will help many people to hear you speak openly, and dispel the myth that living in London in a nice house with relative wealth means you’ve got it all. Ultimately, contentment is a personal project that takes self-awareness, a willingness to learn and sometimes making hard choices. Good luck, Esther! You have so much to gain.
I’m off it completely. At toasts I might have a sip to join. I went off gradually after children – coffee at 5 took over to get through teatime!! Really was when got a couple of autoimmune conditions. Didn’t feel well drinking – not drunk feeling, more like when drinking when exhausted and just brings you down. My system doesn’t like it. However, mat try a Bacardi with pineapple juice EARLY ish soon.
When I did drink, one glass ok but liked another. Two meant aggrieved if not having more! I love clear head and no hangovers plus a bit more control over food.
Moderation and I struggle…
Also drying out after December, and today is the first day I actually feel like the ‘hangover’ has cleared. I mean, it might have been a bit of a virus on top, but all the same feeling clear eyed at last. Not doing DRY January, but a ‘kinder to myself and mind’ January.. with the odd G&T.
And loving the new series of ‘Catastrophe’ on TV!
Ps are you going to review the new Hush collection please?!
their pre-Spring is pretty uninspiring … when I see something I like I will tuck in x
I don’t like drinking and I never have. I find the whole thing both faintly baffling and extremely annoying. Oh the nights where I have had to pretend my fizzy water was a G&T… how many parties have I carried a single half drunk glass around??? This is not to say I have never had a “good” drunken night but I could quite happily never touch the stuff again.
But here’s the rub- everything you’ve said applies to me and food…
well my saviour was Belle at tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com and Kristi Coulter’s essay on medium about “Enjoli woman” rather nails the insanity that is alcohol marketing.
https://medium.com/@kristicoulter/https-medium-com-kristicoulter-the-24-hour-woman-3425ca5be19f
I dont drink full.stop. Apart from the fact I dont like the taste and the sluggish way it made me feel, I was married for 17 years to a violent binge drinker until I found the courage to leave. Also my twin brother died at 50 from alcoholism. If you dont mind me saying so alcoholism is not something to be flippant about. It destoys families and wreaks havoc in childrens lives. Children actually hate seeing their parents out of control. The smell of whisky is enough to give me a panic attack. I dont like being around drunk people. They make me very nervous. My girlfriends drink but very moderately. Thats fine. From a health point of view its worse than smoking. I hate how so many people glamourise drinking. No its not cool to get plastered. Its boring. Sorry for the rant but I have seen at first hand the damage alcohol can cause.
no-one is being flippant about alcoholism here
This sounds pathetic and I don’t care, but drinking still feels like a very adult pleasure. I think it’s why some people get hooked on smoking, or drugs, or serial shagging- it’s a thing that only grown ups do, and I am a GROWN UP, so SCREW you I do what I WANT *stumbles, falls over*
No but seriously, I think that’s partly it for me. As well as the boredom, oh my God yes. And because it’s a knee jerk response after a hard day at work or whatever. I think we all have our reasons, but don’t really want to confront them because that’s admitting to yourself that you have zero self control, really. And that confronting your demons, being honest with yourself as to the reasons why you have bad coping mechanisms, and taking control over what you put in your mouth (hehe) is the most adult thing of all.
I leave you with a quote from One Day “He looks at the glass, almost ritualistically, then drains it and thinks: not drinking would be so much easier if it wasn’t so delicious.”
it is so delicious
Sadly my face is not showing any clarity from the pains of dry Jan – back to school run not enough sleep eyes. Day 17 and I have actually stopped thinking about booze every night when it gets dark (winter is so tricky for this, makes you think you can start earlier) and am slightly scared of getting back into that again come Feb 1st. Plus I am eating crap instead of drinking, in my mind I am saving drinking calories so I eat them instead.
I am not drinking at the moment because I’m pregnant. I’m really missing the glass of white wine I used to have to get me through tea & bath time before my husband got home. I can quite happily ‘just have one’ but it was a bit worrying how much I looked forward to that glass on a bad day!
Esther, did the CBD drink do anything to take the edge off as it’s supposed to? I read that it’s supposed to be the new ‘healthy’ booze…
It is not a boast when I say I don’t have the alcohol gene + it’s easier to be a teetotaler in America. (my family all took those terrible genetic spit-tests that probably shouldn’t be allowed and none of us have the gene to make drinking any fun except for one relative who we already knew about as he is known to black out in the shower. He does not drink much anymore but we were all taken down a notch by knowing that we’re not more virtuous in our habits we just don’t have the right receptors.)
Of course I am perfectly well genetically wired to enjoy other substances, but luckily they’re all quite scary things like the pills they give you to stop muscle seizures, and I’m well past the age where people offer you anything adventurous at parties. It really is about your context I think – quitting cigarettes was much harder in an office where everyone goes out to smoke every 30 minutes than it is when no one smokes anymore and you have to hike a half-mile to be allowed. And sobering up here is an easy job but I would never have tried it in Berlin even though I don’t care much for beer in the first place.
Anyway I’m glad to hear therapy has caught on in the UK as I’m from a part of the US where it’s still seen as a bit of an excessive West Coast habit. Of course everyone who says that is pretending they don’t go themselves and they all do.
By the way I can’t believe I’m about to say this after being rude about crystals but if you can stand it kombucha can be a decent replacement beverage (and I am not just saying this as a naturally-dry prude, I have a fair number of recovering heavy drinkers in my life who are fans of the stuff.) Frankly depending on the brand it’s 2-3% alcohol anyway but also some combination of the acids in it seems to produce the relaxed feeling of having just gone for a run – which I am not going to do in February in the first place. Plus it tastes fairly harsh which makes it feel like less of a child’s drink.
The what receptor? Amazing. I’ve always wondered about that. I definitely don’t have it. And how funny that we are even more preprogrammed than I thought.
https://blog.23andme.com/23andme-research/snpwatch/snpwatch-genetic-variant-linked-to-drinking-intensity-in-alcoholics/ ! He’s not got the really scary ones but he’s got one of the genes that makes drinking a rewarding feeling. Me, I just get sleepy and then sort of awful to be around and then I get the spins. Unless I’m spiking energy drinks with vodka like a 22-year-old there’s just no point in doing more than nursing a beer all night… which means I don’t get to feel virtuous about it at all, which is so limiting in life.
Heavily pregnant over here and wondering why any of you would willingly give up the booze when you could happily get DRUNK without worrying about the impact on your unborn child….but when not knocked up, I drink because it’s the fastest way to make me feel like ‘me’ again after the toddler is in bed. And because I really, really love getting pissed with my husband and/or girlfriends and having the sort of late night conversations where you solve all the problems in the world and can’t remember what was said in the morning. God I miss it. That said, I’ve just turned 30 and have heard the ability to function on a hangover the next day decreases with age so who knows what this new decade will bring.
I think you are very brave to even contemplate watching Luther without alcohol when your husband is out!
I basically have to keep watching until he comes back and I text him saying “Let me know when you are on your way back so I don’t freak out at the sound of the door…”
I love love LOVE alcohol and getting drunk but after a slew of hideous hangovers (never mind your 10.30am think more 3.30PM!) I have had to accept I am now too old to drink like I used to and I, to quote the Midults, ‘have crossed the hangover Rubicon and can now only have two units a week’. I am sad about this as really, getting drunk is so fun! But here we are. Old and sober.
Esther a huge bravo for your honesty in this post. Its a wonderful thing and I wish we were all as brave as you to share like this. It’s so important.
I stopped drinking altogether about 4 years ago. I didn’t really have an epiphany or anything I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. It is truly the best decision I ever made. Aside from the obvious advantages like having better sleep, more energy and being lighter (I was 61kg and am now 52 with no other changes than no booze) there’s a couple of other things I wanted to share. One is that the things you worry about like social situations and coping with stuff and life and the universe without alcohol. Its all a big lie. In the beginning its hard but I think a lot of the anxiety about going without was caused by alcohol and the anxiety that comes after. I no longer explain myself to people and I think because I come across as confident no one even asks me. Its just not a thing anymore. The only people that ask me about why I’m not drinking are the ones that are curious about cutting back or stopping themselves so if it comes up it’s never actually about me. The second thing I wanted to share is that whilst I used to love a glass of wine (or three) I found the mental gymnastics in deciding how much I was allowed to have and when and the whole bargaining thing you do with yourself utterly exhausting. Now I don’t have to do that its bliss. The first six months was really tough. I can honestly say though that it now barely crosses my mind. And I’m so much happier.
I probably come across as smug and it’s not my intention but I see a lot of women trapped on this slippery slope and I would love more of us to realise that its ok to get off.
I am always trying new tactics to become and maintain being a moderate drinker. For a wee while I’ve been doing markedly better and these are my key revelations in no particular order-
* two dry days is actually quite hard to maintain, a bit like running once a week in so much as every time you do it, it is hard so you never fancy it. Three times a week or more and it starts to become easier. And mix it up so it’s not all week vs weekend.
*Think of alcohol like cake, if you want a piece and you’ll enjoy it then have it. You probably wouldn’t have a second piece though.. or a third.
* From a mental health point of view try really hard to never drink as a stress response. Feeling stressed, have a cup of tea (that celestial seasonings tension tamer tea works a treat if you can find it). Have a cup of tea whilst considering what you might enjoy a glass of later. Delaying tactics, but I find it stops me necking a glass in an absent minded moment. Find yourself different teas as you may be drinking a lot of them.
* And whilst you may be thinking that caffeine isn’t good for you, don’t consider giving that up at the same time.
*Back on clarity, I read a book on mindful drinking and it said that alcohol may take the edge off the dark but it also dulls the light. I remembered this when I found myself having a lovely, spontaneous and joyful 5 minutes with my children at a time of night that I would normally be scowling and harroushing them into bed.
* Julie Burchill wrote a piece for the Telegraph (I think) a few weeks ago about giving up cocaine overnight. There’s a great quote about how drugs are an optical illusion -they appear to open life up whilst actually making it smaller. It resonated with me.
Having ‘re read this post it is a bit of a rambling brain download. Lack of alcohol isn’t making me erudite and concise clearly!
Hi Esther, I really liked this post. I have the exact same struggle.
Getting older, my system doesn’t cope with alcohol at all anymore, but I can’t seem to slow down with it at all. I am currently 7 months into a year off booze. My skin and weight are near effortlessly maintained but I still feel tired and shitty and have headaches all the time.
I don’t know what the answer is! Giving up for a bit has definitely been the right thing for me but it does all feel a bit severe and grim.
I haven’t had a drink since new year’s eve and like you I find the hours of 6-8 quite tricky because like a little Pavlovian pup I hear the 6.00pm news and my hand would reach for the chilled white wine. And drinking chilled, good, white wine while you’re cooking a lovely supper is classy? I drink from boredom, habit and all sorts of other things but also because I like the taste. I hate sweet drinks although I have discovered a pelegrino orange drink that is quite bitter and reminds me of campari so it’s a nice sub. I’m sure that for the first week of Feb I shall be careful and then it will be a quick slide back to those few glasses every evening.
Perhaps because I’m a lot older than you I don’t feel that my skin or eyes have improved – I don’t know.
I think finding a good substitute drink is really helpful. You need something mark the transition from the working day to the evening (especially if you work from home or look after children) and having some sort of ritual makes a big difference. It used to be a lovely glass of Sancerre or a G&T for me but at the moment I’m finding a Seedlip Spice and tonic with a large slice of orange hits the spot, especially if it’s in a nice glass.
Your comment, and Esther’s piece (and quite a number of the comments which follow) I think actually highlights one of the things that has for a long time prevented us from talking more frankly about relationships with alcohol. “Alcoholism” continues to be associated with a very particular, obviously destructive type of relationship from which most people would disassociate themselves by saying “well, I’m hardly a raging alcoholic”. By which they mean that they are not downing neat spirits first thing in the morning, or that they drink but are still able to hold down a job, maintain relationships, look after children, engage in social activities etc, and remain broadly functional. The type of alcoholism you describe is rightly recognised as an illness and deserves compassionate, sensitive understanding and treatment. But there is a whole range of relationships with alcohol that sits between that kind at one end and total abstinence at the other, and I wonder if perhaps our lack of a useful vocabulary to describe those sorts of middle-ground relationships has allowed us to hide from the fact that everyday people with drinking habits that would outwardly probably be considered pretty unremarkable can have deeply complex, dysfunctional/problematic relationships with alcohol. And that those relationships may have really subtle but complicated effects on how we feel and function. I think we’re beginning to move away from that view and I think it’s really, really helpful to have these sorts of open and frank conversations about it. I’ve noticed in recent years that the general narrative around food and eating disorders has opened up to recognise “disordered eating” rather than being limited to extremes of, say, anorexia or bulimia and I wonder whether we shouldn’t open up the language used to talk about drinking in much the same way. (I could identify a little with Elena’s comment above – I’m fine with alcohol but I think I probably have some pretty dysfunctional thoughts/emotions around food. I think a lot of females do.)
The really hard thing about alcohol (and, indeed, food) is that it’s absolutely everywhere, difficult to avoid, and deeply ingrained into our whole social framework – there’s a huge social pressure to drink but conversely also stigma in being able to admit to struggling to do so in moderation. My husband has often remarked that if alcohol had only just been discovered now it would be a controlled substance, and I think he’s probably right. As with absolutely everything which sits under the marquee of mental health/wellbeing (note, not ‘wellness’ – I enjoyed Giles’ moan about that in The Times recently), the more we talk about it the better we are able to understand it. And understanding things is the key to being able to fix things, or at the very least making them more manageable.
Sorry, Esther – your “no-one is being flippant” was rather more succinct. It was my attempt at an enthusiastic round of applause for talking about something that it’s important we talk more openly about.
Thanks Abi, that was a really thoughtful and considered response and I welcome it x
It was broadly in response to ThisLifeIsHare’s comment but because I am seemingly techno-incompetent I managed to post it about four hundred times in different places so apologies about that!!
Been round and round the houses with booze stuff and being in the house looking after kids started a habit I wasn’t happy with. Read This Naked Mind in August and haven’t had a drink since. I didn’t intend to stop but it really solved my cognitive dissonance about alcohol and I think it hypnotised me – which I wasn’t expecting. It was good to read your post and I wish you well finding the right place for booze in your life. I’m nearly 42 and my main thought was “25 years of drink is enough”.
Well done on the not drinking. I’m a recovering alcoholic and life IS more boring. I find knitting helps and Midsomer Murders and early nights xxx
On 22nd Dec, I had a bottle of prosecco and spent the next three weeks periodically shitting myself inside out. Nobody knows why, except I might have colitis (yikes) so I have entirely stopped drinking. And everyone thinks I’m either pregnant or doing dry January instead of clutching my bowel to stop it looping out of me like something out of Saw.
So I don’t think I *have* a drinking cycle anymore.
Jesus Christ Dex it’s just one thing after another
I think my body is REBELLING!
i am two days dry after an excessively boozed Christmas. I feel good, I feel light. And yet and yet…. reading this just makes me want to slug a bottle of red tonight and fall in to bed completely pickled.
My father in law died as a direct result of alcoholism, my mother in law is an alcoholic despite suffering terrible health issues, physical and mental, because of it. My husband tells some heartbreaking tales of his childhood. Mostly related to his mum. I know what a dreadful thing it is and it has hurt him so badly. It hurts my children now. And me. It affects our life all the time. My mind boggles trying to make sense of their behaviour at times. But we both drink alcohol, definitely more than we should. I probably don’t ‘get drunk’ in front of my children. In fact I definitely don’t but that’s not because I’m worried about them seeing me drunk, it wouldn’t even occur to me to be that drunk in front of them. It’s because I need to be able to deal with them, and as a sensible person I know I should do that sober, for my sake as much as theirs. I honestly never saw my mum ‘drunk’ as a child. But I saw her have a beer with her lunch on holiday in France. I saw her have wine with dinner regularly. I saw her drink at family parties or in a beer garden on a sunny evening. My dad drank more than she did, but we still have sacred, hilarious family stories about the rare few times dad was ‘drunk on holiday’ or at Christmas. Because they were moderate and sensible, certainly they were compared to my in laws. I’m not sure what my point is, other than that this is *such* a personal subject that it’s not really possible to compare, far less judge others on it. It’s nothing to be flippant about, I don’t think for a second anyone here is being flippant about it. I hope everyone finds their happy and healthy balance with this and with so many other difficult areas of life. I don’t normally post here anonymously but I feel I can’t really sign this off as its mostly not my family story to tell.
Full blown alcoholic here (recovered, at the end drinking 2 bottles of wine per day, one after the kids were dropped at school and one during/after the witching hour in the evening).
I spent years wondering if I was an alcoholic, wondering where The Line that gets crossed was. I have no idea. I wish that I could shine a blazing light over the trail for you all. It is just a vague continuum and I guess The Line for me was realising that a glass of wine fixes a hangover and starting that.
Random thoughts about it all:
Being able to not drink for a month or three without missing it does not mean that you are not well on the road to alcoholism. Sorry. I did this heaps of times, reassuring myself that I wasn’t developing a problem.
I do think that alcoholism is a genetic lottery and environmental stressors trigger it. By definition motherhood is an environmental stressor and that was it for me.
The best indicator I know of whether or not you have lost the genetic lottery is to think back to your first few experiences with alcohol. I remember it feeling like I had drunk lighter fluid, a ‘holy shit, this fixes everything” experience. There is a story of a pair of twins, one an alcoholic and one who isn’t. The non alcoholic twin never drinks because ‘I don’t like feeling not like myself’. The alcoholic twin drinks because ‘it makes me feel normal’. Think about which one you are.
Don’t drink every night, as in a glass or two of wine, if you are concerned. I did this for about 8 years and it programs your metabolism in the wrong way.
Margaret this is an incredibly astute comment that probably leaves us all with a lot to think about “motherhood is an environmental stressor” – amen.