Is there a task more fraught with danger yet exciting possibility than buying a new sofa?
It’s so scary because you’re stuck with it, is the thing. I’m sure you can send back a sofa – but has anyone actually ever done it? You can also spend an unlimited sum of money on a sofa and I don’t know about you but I don’t see that as a challenge – it just sends me scurrying back to Loaf.
Loaf, with their rock-bottom prices and their chirpy marketing has duped me into buying one boring grey sofa and one massive corner sofa that is so badly designed that it sort of spits you out onto the floor if you try to sit on it. With the corner sofa came a free Loaf -branded mug. The base of the mug bears the legend “What a mug!” which is revealed to anyone watching as you tip the cup up to drink. And, yeah, that’s how Loaf make me feel sometimes.
We needed a new sofa. And with the kids no longer babies, we could get a nice-ish one. One that perhaps also didn’t require constant plumping to look okay. I looked at despair at the prices at George Smith, thinking “Fuck it, shall we just bankrupt ourselves and get one?” I even went to DFS, but was uninspired.
I am haunted by the story of my friend Katie who bought this horrendous sofa for their house when really tired and hungover one day and then it arrived and it was awful, but they stuck with it for 7 years, hating it every single day that they walked into their living room and saw it there. They finally deciding that they had paid the price for their crapulence, gave it away on a furniture recycling scheme and went out and got a new one. Sober.
As it happened, around the time that I was looking at George Smith and visiting DFS, I was invited to a showcase for a company called Love Your Home. I had not researched properly what they do and was really just going for the advertised canapés, when I showed up and it turns out that they make sofas. Great sofas, for not George Smith prices.
“We’ll make you a sofa,” they declared, confidently, after I told them about the corner sofa and the mug thing. And they did. I went to their showroom, in Haslemere and picked out and incredibly handsome fellow called Clementine (sofas can be gender fluid, too) and had it made in a brave – I thought – velvet claret material.
I am bored with grey. And I have seen too many dark blue sofas on Instagram. You are all going to tell me now that velvet sofas attract dust and I know and I don’t care.
What can I say? I love it. I love my sofa because I don’t have to think about it any more. I am free from the burden of hating a really large and expensive piece of furniture but having to live with it – like getting divorced but having to live in the same house because MONEY. That verstinken corner sofa is in my house in Gloucestershire a hundred miles away and at some point, most days I will sit for five or ten seconds and think about how much I hate it.
Anyway I love Love Your Home and their no-nonsense, non-cutesy, anti-Loaf vibes. I sort of think they should change their name to make it more obvious what they do but when I suggested it they were a bit like “Who’s doing this, us or you?” So I quietly took my discount and my sofa and went home.