It’s a funny old time to be in the business of skimming right now. And when I say skimming I mean making money off brands for selling on their behalf – for example here or on Instagram or YouTube.
I mean, the game is up, isn’t it? We all know we don’t need any more crap and we all feel guilty about making other people feel like they need more crap. Or we ought to, anyway.
In the room where I work I keep a couple of designer handbags that I never use and ought to sell on full view in order to remind myself that designer handbags are badly-made vulgar bullshit and won’t make you happy. It’s the same with these two very expensive pairs of trainers I bought myself. I’ve developed a nerve problem in my left foot – between the third and fourth toes and although I am faithfully doing my physio for it, I can’t really wear certain shoes, these trainers included. I ought to sell them but I keep them in order to remind myself that designer trainers are also problematic.
Why do I want these things? Sometimes I think I just want to be surrounded by beautiful stuff. I just want to own them, I don’t necessarily want to wear them.
This year I vow only to replace things that have worn out. No more new things. No more stupid midi-dresses that look absolutely ghastly on me and I never wear (except for one particular one – more on that later). I have worn the same things on repeat for the last six months and I have to get real and accept that this is who I am. Because of my foot I only wear heels once a month – if that. Because I am basically a classic tomboy, I am never going to wear: hairclips, bows, ruffles, skirts, a lot of jewellery, ballerina flats, an elaborate hairband or anything that requires tights. And I have stopped buying that shit because I know I do it because I feel like if I just try a little bit harder I can turn into someone else, that I don’t want to be anyway!
My current uniform looks like this:
Jeans: when it is warm I wear a pair of Levis cropped jeans that they no longer sell. When it is cold I wear a J Brand skinny jean that they no longer sell either.
Shoes: when it is warm I wear Birkenstock Arizonas or Ancient Greek “Thais” sandals in gold. When it is cold I wear Hummel high tops or Allbirds “Mizzle” trainers with leg warmers. When it is cold and wet I wear Nike Air Force 1s which I have been wearing for so many more years than all the teens have been wearing them so there.
Tops: When it is warm I wear band t-shirts. When it is cold I wear band t-shirts underneath a sweater or a hoodie, even though I couldn’t give less of AF about Def Leppard or Metallica or Led Zeppelin but they look cool and are super comfy and make me seem edgy which I am so not.
Other: when it is boiling I wear an R. Vivimos dress I bought off Amazon. It is made of rayon and doesn’t crease. It’s the most fabulous dress to wear when it’s just stinking hot. It’s non-sweaty or clingy, hides stains and it’s long so you don’t have to do anything complicated with your legs. I have in fact got it in 2 colours. If you like the look of it, get it in one size up and then wash it and it will shrink to your size. I was rather worried that these dresses are made in a massive sinister sweat shop so I emailed the company and had a chat with them and they seemed absolutely reasonable but that’s not to say they’re not made in a sweatshop.
Eveningwear: whichever black dress in my closet that is clean and the same shoes I have worn in the evening for eight years.
Underwear: I am newly devoted to massive pants from M&S, which look like they will be hideous but actually are the only things that don’t give you VPL and look quite cute on, like little shorts.
Sport: I wear Ernest Leoty leggings for spin and barre along with an assortment of other ancient bras and t-shirts, which completely spoil the look but literally WHO CARES.
Bag: I have had for 15 years the same M&S brown leather satchel, which I have had repaired 4 times as it gradually fell to bits. I had to accept the other day that I needed a new bag because this one was quite disgusting. It took me months to track down a similar replacement, (in the end from Madewell), because I knew I had to find one almost exactly the same – a roomy but not too big top-loader with an outside pocket and inner pocket. I have used it every day since it arrived. And, I can’t believe it, but they don’t sell it anymore! It’s identical to this Brooklyn crossbody, except bigger.
I mean, I occasionally wear other things in my wardrobe but 100% only because I feel guilty about them hanging there unworn.
And I still buy things! Can you believe it?! I buy things because I am basically not entirely mentally together but I pretty much send everything back. I have worked out that what I enjoy is the buying and the anticipation of the arrival. That’s terrible isn’t it. At least I know. I’m working on it.
How about you? What is your uniform?