Last week I was panicked and stressed because my iPhone and my MacBook crashed at the same time.
It’s slightly my fault: I fight hard against the in-built obsolescence of tech and have stubbornly had my MacBook for seven years. In the last two years it has been behaving oddly – a sort of constructive dismissal on behalf of Apple, trying to get me to buy a new one and I was like nope, and just kept on hacking on with it.
And then one day it went NOPE right back at my nope and let out a strangled QUACK and then the screen went dark and it was officially dead. Then to punish me, my old iPhone 7 did the same thing.
No phone, no laptop. Vodafone were not helpful with a replacement phone but offered to repair it. Repair it?! HOW LONG WILL THAT FREAKING TAKE.
And, no, my 48 hours with no phone and no laptop wasn’t a really refreshing “digital detox”, it was a fucking nightmare. My Ocado order! School pickup admin! Every single phone number for everyone! Waze! School WhatsApp groups! Deliveroo! NET-A-PORTER! I do not use my phone and my computer for fun, they are my life.
I took the phone into Vodafone in Hampstead and said “It’s broken” and the very sweet boy took it and said “Okay” and tried to turn it on. I said “It’s broken,” a bit louder and he went “Uh huh.” Then he waited for a few minutes trying to switch the phone on and then looked up and said “Does it usually take this long to switch on?” and I said “IT’S BROKEN.”
No but seriously he was actually really great and they sent it away to repair and couldn’t repair it (Ha! I told you it was broken) so yesterday sent me a new one! Ching! That’s the next 5 years sorted.
Anyway it’s all fine now but at the time I was pretty jittery about all of it, so I went directly from Vodafone to SpaceNK to calm down where I tortured this girl in there by making her let me try on every single nude lipstick in the place. Because of Covid they have to do it this particular way now, where they take a little bamboo spatula and scrape off a weeny bit to let you try it on.
It was pretty mean of me but it was Monday at 10.30am and the place was deserted so it’s not like I was holding them back from big sales. And I did actually buy something! It was a lip treatment from Fresh, a brand I tend to overlook even though I’m sure it’s good. The word “fresh” and the writing just has the air Tesco’s finest range and I’m, like, what are we doing here, people? Sliced chorizo or a clay mask?
It is a very nice thing and I am really into it – it’s halfway between a lipstick, a gloss and a lip salve and it is a good nude colour. It makes me feel less panicky about things when I put it on. It’s fine! The world is fine! How can it not be fine when here I am, putting a nude lipstick on in my own bathroom! Listen, I never said I wasn’t crazy.
Of course, please exercise caution with this and perhaps don’t buy online as you will want to torture a SpaceNK retail assistant of your own by trying on all the various colours.
Staying with lips, can I please recommend again a brilliant lip salve by Balance Me called Stellar Balm. Back when I was accepting freebies, it was very difficult to tell whether I liked something because it was good or I liked something because I was grateful for it. It is telling the things that were gifted to me that I have subsequently spent my own money on.
I love this lip balm so much – genuinely properly hydrating and sinks into your lips rather than just sliming around on the surface – that I bought two. You only need a small amount per application and it lasts forever. I’ve still got a bit of the one that was gifted to me about 3 years ago and it hasn’t started to smell funny or change in consistency like other lip salves naming no names LANSINOH.
It will genuinely be interesting to see whether my Stellar Balm runs out before my new MacBook Air crashes.
Sorry I’ll shut up in a sec but also, just while I’m here, I got sucked in by those glamorous girls on Instagram with the long fingernails and bought something from Il Makiage! I know!! Who do I think I am, honestly. Anyway it’s an under-eye concealer as my one from Trish McEvoy has run out (which was good, don’t get me wrong but I am SO CURIOUS about Il Makiage). I will report back.