I have often wondered throughout all this, when people say their mental health is suffering, when they say “we’re all going mad” or “I’m going mad” I wonder what they mean. What does is look like – how is this “madness” manifesting itself?
I haven’t felt very mad. I get up on time and go to bed on time. All domestic things are taken care of, we all have clean clothes. Kitty stays in her pyjamas a lot, but the pyjamas get cleaned and she gets dressed when she goes out. We are eating our vegetables and reading books, we are not swearing and hitting each other. Well, we’re not hitting each other.
So where does the madness lie, then? I wonder. I think it lay possibly in the heavy evening boozing, which saw a bottle of wine between two finished as early as 6.45pm (we put a stop to it). It still lies, though, in the forgetfulness, the inability to finish a sentence, a distinctly short attention span.
With me, now, it lies in a powerful compulsion to online shop. No, wait – not actually to shop. What I do is browse online, fill my virtual trolley and then leave it there. Sometimes when I go back to a shop I have visited the day – or days – before I find things in my trolley and fall about laughing. What was I thinking? I must be… mad.
I filled a trolley at Net A Porter with khaki trousers and jeans, one at Next with sleeveless white blouses, more khaki trousers at H&M, the preposterous “Jourdan” dress at Reformation, fresh crew neck sweaters from Uniqlo, t-shirts at Hush, a linen beach dress at Trilogy, all manner of crap at Cult Beauty, a cropped cardigan at Other Stories and a porcelain parrot with a gold beak at Anthropologie.
What I did actually buy, because I am on the eternal hunt for the perfect non-wired bra, was two things from Closely-Official – this lace bralette and the T-shirt bra. They ought to arrive any day now but I’m not holding my breath, they won’t be any good. Bras never are. I have been recommended by about 15 different people bras by Rossell England, for example, and I eagerly anticipated the arrival of my Holy Grail Bra only to find that although it was the right size it was as clunky and weird with great seams everywhere, looking like something run up on a nursery craft table.
But what I do want to say is that, as we will not be allowed to try clothes on in-store probably for months and months to come yet: get yourself a tailor’s tape. By that I mean a flexible fabric tape (as opposed to a stiff metal one) as used by tailors. You’ve probably already got one. I got mine from a Londis and it really cuts down the guesswork involved in buying things online. It’s positively essential for unscrambling unfathomable children’s clothing sizes. For example, what the hell is a Gap Kids XL? Your tailor’s tape, plus the size guide, will reveal all.
How about you? How is your madness manifesting itself? Or do you remain disappointingly sane.
Morning morning! I know this may sound very odd… but I have bought lacy bralettes from Tesco and they are super comfy, fairly stylish and only 15 quid!! I now have every colour!
I’ve had to stop drinking altogether for similar reasons. It was hard at first but makes it easier to cope, weirdly. Mainly because I’m not cross with myself about it. It hasn’t changed my online virtual basket filling though – still doing that and buying more online than I usually would…and sending most of it back! Spent a lot of time last night filling my online baskets with shopping for my daughter who is going to uni (hopefully!) in September – with the aid of your historic uni recommendation list, Esther – thank you – it was so helpful!
I’m browsing a lot of second-hand clothes and interiors. Somehow it seems less consumerist, but I’m probably kidding myself about that. A note on the bras, I always get excited about new bra brands and am forever disappointed that they stop at DD cup. I just buy the same Wacoal style and and over and have to keep reminding myself that fashionable lingerie isn’t meant for ‘people like me’. (A 5ft 8” size 10 E cup).
Wacoal are vg
I think they actually might be ‘the best’. So many brands seem to make the assumption that if you’ve got a nice rack then naturally you want garish colours, scratchy lace and dressing like a stripper, or alternatively you need beige, full coverage Granny garments. There is sweet FA in between the two extremes. Maybe my madness talking…
Hello! I’m a 5″9 size 10/12 F cup (I KNOW) and my holy grail bra are the Gossard Glossies. Smooth enough to go under a t-shirt, a bit sheer/see-through so even though its a basic it is quite sexy, and an underwire so comfy it retired every other bra I own. I own about 6 – 2 nudes, 2 black, and 2 colourful.
Gossard Glossies! so Bridget Jones. Prime for a comeback. Glad to know they work
My tendency towards aimless drifting and displacement activity has definitely got worse. On the bra front, Woron bras are worth a try. They are ethically made and lovely fabric. I haven’t worked out what size fits me in their Core bralette but the Move bra is very comfortable.
As well as epic inability to concentrate on anything for more than five minutes my online insanity has manifested itself in online design consultations. So far I’ve had three kitchen designs and one conservatory – and I’ve got more lined up. It’s a curiously addictive process and a delightful way to spend a boring wet Saturday afternoon.
On bras – this one from M&S works for me: https://www.marksandspencer.com/body-smoothing-longline-plunge-bra-a-e/p/clp60226646#carousel=FUNH_AT_SIMILAR_END_PDP_16_3:e003c6b2-a04d-4a64-aa23-cc7ab489d3e4
Heist for non wired bras & bralettes. Sadly I find their Outer Body too short in the body for me, but would def have had one otherwise. Bra & vest combined, yes please!
I can’t believe I find myself saying this but honestly Skims – of kardashian I’m pretty sure 😳. Not for anything bigger than a small C I’d say but these small Cs are extremely comfortable, the seamless thing is brilliant, nice colours – I went for a dark cafe au lait for something different, straps etc all flattering and comfortable. Recommend.
Eternally mystified at the liking for unwired bras if you’re more than a C cup… I would be sagging to my knees without wires! Have tried everything but always come back to the PrimaDonna Satine bra, which I wear 9 days out of 10. Honestly so comfy I don’t know I’m wearing it (am 32G). As a bonus they’ve started doing lovely variations on skin tones – pale pink, coffee coloured etc.
(PrimaDonna bras in nice skin tones are called Every Woman not Satine – my mistake!)
I was fed up of bra hunting as I am 32E and everything was grannyish or just didn’t fit. Then had a fitting session at The Pantry underwear and they found me so many lovely bras that actually fit! They are doing virtual fitting sessions too, and they even converted me to trying an non wired one by Panache for the days when you are slobbing around the house but don’t want the postman to see your tits by your knees!
My madness is manifesting in exactly the same way – epic fantasy clothes shops, basket left abandoned after HOURS of browsing, only to be mystified the next day as to what I was thinking at putting some mad frilly cropped cardi from the Zara sale in my basket. Or by winning a load of crazy eBay bids on 70s retro kitchenalia.
As for bras, M&S do a nice unwired, moulded bra that’s kind of like a crop top but with bra straps and clasp….? It’s from their range of seamless underwear (not sure what it’s called) and I have one in every colour now.
I’ve watched ALL of call the midwife despite being terrified of childbirth! and i had a fugue state shopping binge where i went on to monsoon (so not me) and bought 5 black priaire style dresses despite living in jeans and shorts.
It feels like we are in some horrific, slow motion car crash doesn’t it? I am solo parenting 2 children under 5, juggling homeschooling and work and the house. Husband at university 4 hours away. My resting heart rate is 110 (previously 40-60). I have burst a blood vessel in my eye. Ugh. I can’t concentrate on anything for more than 12 minutes. I frantically clean at 11pm and try work calls and google class room and to not SHOUT and simultaneously lie in bed in dread at the next day of in quiet revolt at how awful each and every 8 minute segment of the day will unfold to be (your hedgehog column spoke to me). Am I depressed? Probably. Isn’t everyone? Men get to breaking point because they simply can’t see a way forward. Women know exactly what the way forward is, in each tiny, pointless numb little moment and eventually just stop, head on the cool kitchen counter, and say no more.
It’ll be fine on the 8th of March, of course, but right now that might as well be the moon.
mmmm, Esther, I just looked at your link for the lace bralette: nice shape but just looks itchy to me. I can feel a jogger’s nipple scenario coming on here. Glad you trial these things for your readers…. update please!
that’s what I’m here for
I think mental health is so spoken about, rightfully so, that some people talk about it quite casually.
Many people have serious mental health issued but with casual usage it’s beginning to to cover simple irritations or temporary issues. It’s also become expected that you SHOULD have mental health issues.
Living in a bad marriage or in poverty will magnify everything.
Living with food on the table, etc etc this is a short period of time we’re going through in the bigger picture . Plus for many of us, we can use different ways of thinking and explain to children that we are going to be okay. This will pass.
I’ve often done the thing of leaving goods in the basket – it’s quite handy. An impulse buy in the shops turns into a ‘leave it and go back later’ situation when online!
ANgela
Angela yes you make an excellent point about “mental health” being spoken about casually. It’s a complicated one
Hi Esther, my wife says to let you know that her version of this is her search for the perfect coat, which entails buying ones (think we may be up to six now) and then trying them on and returning them – she only buys from websites which do free returns. At least you aren’t having to trek to the nearest Hermes parcel shop all the time…Thanks for your columns which always bring a smile. Ian
I forgot the word for ‘new’ on a zoom call yesterday. I also told a group of great & good in a trustee meeting that I couldn’t make a date in June because I was going to go out and get drunk with a friend and west high heels and it was VERY IMPORTANT.
Such a relief to find someone (or lots of someones) as mad as me. Lockdown one I actually bought the stuff in my basket and then returned it all, over and over again. Now it’s as if either I’ll never get the opportunity to go anywhere where I need anything that isn’t slightly stained and elastic waisted or that I’ll have the chance but won’t be able to face actual socialising in real life so I just fill the basket and leave it full of exactly the same clothes (silk joggers anyone?) over and over again. Aside from engendering those incredibly irritating “Have you forgotten to check out your exciting selection of unnecessary items?” emails, it’s mildly therapeutic I suppose, and good for passing that annoying 5pm to 6pm hour when its just slightly too early to start with the cocktails…
I have nothing to add about bras. They’re all unbearably uncomfortable.
5-6pm is a BALLACHE
Oh my goodness I hate 5-6 and the worst thing about not drinking (though I’ve given up on that) is there’s nothing left to look forward to at 6 so it stretches til they go to bed. Argh!!
My lockdown madness is that I can’t read a book though I normally read 2 a week. I’ve not got the mental capacity.
Instead I look up EVERYONE I’ve ever known on social media and feel bitter and twisted that they have better skin/richer husbands/a swimming pool. Because OF COURSE that’s what life’s all about. Plus why are they posting in lockdown??? Who are they kidding….
I feel that it’s a desperate attempt to improve their secretly terrible terrible lives? Normal people are only posting weird AF stuff – like a dear friend of mine who just put up a picture of her jars of sprouting seeds….now that’s what I call lockdown.
Just on the bra front…I too have been searching for the perfect non-wired bra (refused to torture myself with a wire after not wearing wired bras through pregnancy and breast feeding). Quite fond of the M&S ones that come in a multipack box, sorry don’t know actual name. BUT! recently discovered the Triumph Fit Smart bras. Got myself a padded version and can honestly say it is THE best, most comfortable and flattering thing I have ever worn on my bosom. Some are currently in the sale on the Triumph website at 50% off including the Terracotta one I got. In fact am thinking of shopping again.
Sloggi bras are the way to go. No nasty seams and places that dig in … although I’m on the petite size up top so not sure how they would work with more boob. Anybody tried them? I’m in the Netherlands where there is a curfew so it’s like the living dead after 9.00pm. But I’m meeting up with a girl friend twice a week for running, then we sit on a bench while she smokes her roll ups and we talk face to face. Meet a lot of doggy people and it almost feels normal for a few hours. We have also been having a virtual dance party every Saturday with sisters and friend. We take turns choosing the music and dance our little cotton socks off whilst drinking huge amounts of booze. It ain’t normal but what is these days?
I found the sloggi ones so comfy but then washed and stretched very quickly and felt like a waste of money as you cannot tighten any straps or anything.
i am dangerously committed to online shopping at the minute. it’s a connection to things that exist outside of my 4 walls, harking back to days when i could wander aimlessly around homesense in my lunch hour buying hand wash and cut-price le creuset (oh and wine…WINE IN TK MAXX!!!!). i do worry it’s leading me to a life where materialism is my escape but hell who cares; for now anyway. chin up eh x
I can’t hold a conversation anymore. When I do talk to someone who isn’t my husband, it’s verbal diarrhoea because I have forgotten how to chat. I’m like a toddler, randomly putting a toy car in your eye screaming ‘THIS IS MY CAR’, except from 2m distance, bellowing down driveways.
yes I feel very sorry for anyone I know that I bump into with me going “and then and then and then and then…”
And it’s not like anything has ACTUALLY HAPPENED, there is nothing to DISCUSS. I’m just telling people that homeschool is hard, trying to work when homeschooling is impossible and that I am trying not to turn to drink at 10am. Which they know, because we’re all going mad IDENTICALLY for IDENTICAL REASONS.
I shower around 5 PM, put my pajamas on and stay in because of curfew. And I don’t really seem to mind that, which is the mad part.
YES … not really minding any of it, that’s the manifestation of the crazy. Happy prisoners
Just caught up on The Spike Esther and I feel fairly basket case. I go on Zara website daily. Can’t afford to buy anything but keep putting stuff in baskets and then it magically disappears every night. i went to a friend’s garden on Friday and had to go home by 8:30 as I was socialled out – and I am IRISH for fecks sake and can talk a glass eye to sleep. I feel a bit MEH about everything – even my approaching birthday. School hols don’t help… I think lockdown has made us all more introverted and naval gazing and my husband and I can’t watch the Mia farrow doc on Sky without having tremendous rows where he calls me a ‘screaming liberal.’ If we don’t evd up divorced by summer this will be a miracle.