How are we all feeling about social media these days? I only ask because in the last month I have had a major shift in perception, particularly towards Instagram.
God I used to love Instagram. I mean, I still do up to a point. It’s just endlessly fun and interesting. Reels, Instagram’s answer to TikTok, is hilarious and a damn sight more amusing than tapping through boring IG Stories. And I got sucked into it, badly. While Reels is brilliant if you need to make ten or fifteen minutes go up in smoke, it’s too easy to think “I’m bored”, open Reels and then 45 minutes has vanished.
And I no longer have the excuse that it’s the modern equivalent of knitting for mothers will small children. You know what I mean, an activity that you can pick up and put down multiple times a day and it doesn’t matter if you are interrupted. I no longer have the excuse because my children aren’t really that small anymore and I would quite often do a deep dive into Reels when they were both out of the house all day.
And I think it melts your brain. Do you remember a few years ago reports that Silicon Valley bosses – think Steve Jobs – didn’t let their own children have an iPad? At the time I thought it was because they were pathetic ninnies, but in fact it ought to have been a huge red flag. This shit is bad for you. And they ought to know because they invented it. In fact, there was a thing in the paper yesterday that Facebook bosses know that Instagram makes teenage girls incredibly unhappy. An internal memo in 2019 told the company that Instagram makes body issues worse for 1 in three teenaged girls and that’s only the ones who admitted it.
But even back when it was the early days of smart phones and apps, they must have known and understood full well that the flick, flick, flick of apps and games and whatever was not only highly addictive but shrivelled your attention span and left people fidgety and forgetful. Whether they also understood how anxious, paranoid and depressed it could also make people back then I don’t know, but that’s certainly what it does do.
When Instagram isn’t actively destroying braincells, it is almost impossible, unless you follow only news accounts not to “compare and despair”, even if it’s not conscious, even if you are not a teenage girl. I have for a long time operated a strict protocol of muting any account that makes me feel bad, even for a second, and even then the tidal wave of EXCITING NEWS and NEW COLLABORATIONS and NINETEEN FIGURE BOOK DEALS and LOVE THIS GIRL and NOT BAD FOR A TUESDAY gets in there and sets up shop and makes me feel bad all day. Often I don’t even know why I feel bad or what I feel bad about, I just do. I feel bad.
I think it’s the exposure to the endless other possibilities of what you could or should be doing that is so confusing and ultimately quite paralysing. Rather than just plodding on with whatever it is that you are doing, after even a modest amount of time on Instagram you look about yourself, scared and confused and think “Maybe I ought to re-train as a potter, or a calligrapher or a paramedic!” If you have even a slightly fragile sense of self, it’s worse. You can fall into a deep, dark pit of self-hatred because you are not Emma Raducanu, despite having no interest in tennis and actually very weak lungs. It can make you feel really quite unwell.
And I know this because for the last month I have had a 15 minute time limit on Instagram. You can do this too by going to Settings/Screen Time/App Limits. Fifteen minutes gives me the option of checking for DMs, which I get every now and again, and broadcasting new Spike posts as the email-out alerts are on the fritz at the moment. And yes, okay, also to enjoy a burst of Reels should a 15 minute window of nothing arise in my day. And when the “5 minutes left” note pops up I am aways so surprised, it comes round so quickly. How much time was I burning on there before?
Since I’ve had this limit on my Instagram I have felt so much better. I don’t want to make a living from Instagram – I tried that once and it wasn’t compatible with good mental health – and so what is it there for? It certainly shouldn’t be for lying for 30 minute stretches at a time on the sofa flicking through Reels while absolutely nothing else gets doing. And then feeling like crap afterwards.
I know that many Spikers are not and have never been on any kind of social media and I’ve always found that most impressive. But those of you that were or still are, what’s the deal with you and it at the moment? Are you at the time limit stage, or have you deleted your account entirely?
Oh my goodness YES, how do you always seem to know just what I’m thinking about, and then say such insightful things about it?
I fucking hate social media. Facebook used to be great for catching up with the important life events of friends, and now I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but the algorithm refuses to show me anything new or interesting ever, just the same irrelevant posts from the same few irrelevant people. Drives me bonkers.
Instagram is just full of wankers showing pictures of their unrealistically perfect lifestyles. We all know it’s bullshit, but you’re right – it just makes you feel bad. It used to be full of pretty pictures that were quite uplifting, I don’t know what happened. I only go on it to check up on my gorgeous new nephew whose mother is – rare creature – an influencer who is not a complete tool, she is lovely and healthy and wholesome.
And don’t get me started on Twitter. It is an absolute cesspit, completely and representative of what a normal, sensible person would ever say. It’s full of the rudest, nastiest trolls and it’s like being in a room full of 100 people – there’s always one person who is complete nutter, and in real life of course he would completely ignore them… But on Twitter you have no way of sensing who is a twat and ignoring them, it just amplifies them. I have to use it for work (journalism – it is pretty essential) and I’m secretly supportive of gender critical feminists so I get my fix there, which I would never dare do in real life as I would be burned at the stake as a TERF.
Fuck it all.
The really, really weird thing is that nearly all of my close female friends have zero social media in their lives. No idea if they’re happier or not, but they definitely get a lot more done than I do.
Kate I love this
I have a “friend ” who non stop spouts on social media what a feminist he is then tells me he’ll only see me in person if I promise not to talk about actual women’s rights. Deeds not words!
And it makes you buy stuff you don’t need. I stopped buying and/or reading “women’s” magazines about 5 years before there was any social media, for all of the reasons you cite in your piece Esther. I think I am now at this same stage with social media. I deleted my Facebook account maybe 6 years ago (don’t miss it one bit), don’t use Twitter at all, so it’s just Instagram left at the moment. I did really like it because it felt like a magazine that I could completely curate for my own interests, but that’s no longer the case – too many adverts, weird algorithms hiding what I actually want to see, too many links/swipes/promotions – it’s just a giant consumer pusher in my pocket. Seriously thinking of deleting it for good. But not sure I can do it until the Spike email alerts are sorted….!
Never liked Facebook, never done Twitter, but love Instagram. Having said that I too have to have the 15min limit or I lose hours goggling at shite, also because I am extremely nosey and looove peering into random strangers’ lives. I follow about 70 accounts of which half are friends, and I stick to food/house porn/dogs and a couple of local shops, occasionally ‘checking in’ on famous people for amusement. What I post on there is mild (I hope it’s mild) showing off about progress on my long, long slog to drag my house into a liveable condition, my dog, things that amuse me, food and flower arrangements. I do have robust mental health though and assume that whatever I’m looking at that makes me envious is probably not actually like that in real life, or alternatively in the grand scheme of things I probably derive more pleasure from laughing about farts and endless re-roofing and eating like a horse. Obviously I can’t look at Kate Beckinsale’s insta as she is slim, beautiful, rich, laughs at farts, probably eats like a horse and almost certainly doesn’t have a leaking roof.
Facebook amuses me personally with its very judgmental admonishment to ‘add more friends if you want to see more posts’. I don’t want to add more fucking friends, thanks, I’d just like the option to catch up on what the few I have on there have been doing in the last six months. Seriously, though, wtf must that do to people who really don’t have many friends? Even the algorithm thinks you’re a loser. Smooth, Zucks, very smooth.
I definitely limit time and like you have unfollowed a lot of people. I follow very few influencers any more as just find them tedious nowadays.
It’s amazing how crap/ wound up it makes you feel.
I’m pretty strict about who I follow on Instagram but find myself going to it far more often than I should. I use Twitter for work. However, Now when I log in, if I just idly scroll through I can literally feel my heart rate increasing from all the pointless arguing and awfulness! How people use this daily is beyond me.
My tactic is to let myself go down a 20 min Twitter hole on the train or just before I get the kids from school – with timer on! wouldn’t be a good look to forget the kids cos I got distracted by a sub tweet row /-;
Thanks for this Esther. With a preteen daughter and a teen son, I rant on about the evils of social, the pitfalls of Instagram in particular. And yet… I’m put my thumb to that friendly pink-purple icon multiple(!) times a day for a quick scroll. I’m going to try a 15min limit.
I’m currently on another Instagram break, after feeling so much of what you mention. I can’t quite bring myself to delete the app, but have increasingly realised how rubbish I feel after being on it, despite the initial glee of new posts and stories from accounts I like and follow (however goodhearted they may seem). It is bright and fun and interesting but at times can also make me feel like I have achieved nothing with my life and never will. I’m not sure the benefits are worth it any more. I want to read more books (too many times when I scroll in bed) and stop my comparisonitis.
Yes to all of this. I’m trying a 20 minute limit (I’m not strong enough for 15 just yet!). Comparisonitis is a thing.
I’d missed your last few blog posts so it’s been a treat to devour several in one sitting! I’m generally pretty good at unfollowing anyone who makes me feel a bit negative. I don’t think I’m a very jealous person by nature but Instagram really can create some massively unhelpful feelings of envy about how perfect someone else’s life is (even when I know it’s not actually real life). I’ve discovered that I can’t follow proper influencers as it’s just too superficial and false for me, but I can follow people who might have a big following but also have something else about them (eg interesting job, really committed to a particular charity etc).
I once read that you are responsible for what you let into your own mind and I take that to heart-I don’t read or watch anything scary and I try not to let pointless content into my life via social media. (Does that make me sound really dour?? Sorry!) Oh and I’ve now set myself time limits too, thank you!
I’m so glad I’m getting your blog alerts again! I suddenly realised earlier in the week that you’d been absent from my inbox for a while so I had a happy time catching up with your posts from the last few months in the car when I was early(!) for work one day this week.
I ‘do’ social media as part of my job, which makes me a bit tired of it by home time. Personally, I’m a bit of an Insta addict but use Twitter and Fb only sporadically now, so they’re not much of a time waster anymore. I find when I’m knackered I automatically stay away, so it’s self-regulating but when I have the time I do spend time doom-scrolling.
I don’t know what it says about my brain wiring but none of the accounts I follow get me down! I naturally stay away from influencer types and big spendy money type brands. I just follow lovely accounts that make me happy. Fill your feed with lots of flowers, pets, gardens, food & crafting – that’s my tip for feeling good!
i do twitter, facebook and instagram. i should set a limit, smart phones make it easy to scroll before getting out of bed, lol
Facebook is mainly friends family – have 34 cousins and they all have kids my Aunt and Mum are able to keep in touch with us and play a games lol- a few online friends from forums i belonged to on Ebay 15 yr ago before they changed them it too much.
Twitter i follow people and interests i like. Every 6 month i will clearout accounts that have stopped posting, i use mute functions for some things at times when you would be inundated eg some sports. most of the podcasts i listen to have twitter accounts & so you can interact with other listeners. i like twitter, i can understand how damaging and hurtful people can find it, but have seen its good side too – many times. I think there are only 2 or 3 people who follow me who i know in real-life.
Instagram is just a few close family members who don’t tend to use facebook much, some vloggers , authors & comedians i follow, i’ve maybe posted about 5 photos in 3 years
i dont do snapchat, tiktok or reddit or any other forums i was in 20 yrs ago.
After a couple of stressful years i find myself using social media to lift my moods and get me ‘out of my head’.
You have articulated everything I feel about Instagram. It’s so much fun but god didn’t my own life feel a bit shit after spending 45 mins a day scrolling… I have now deleted the Instagram app so if I want to have a nosey I have to go in via Safari / Chrome which is such an unwieldy way of doing it that I generally give up after 5 mins and crack on with what I’m meant to be doing. I’ve limited my Facebook friends to school mums, close family and my daughters clubs which is such a dull demographic that I am in and out of the app in minutes. I now have more time for eg ironing, watching Baptiste, baking, tidying up! Thanks for taking the time to post this Esther.
What is Baptiste!! I must look this up
The French missing people detective. This one has Fiona Shaw in who is basically the coolest woman in the world.
Okay I am on it
Hopefully you too will wander round muttering ‘Juliet Ba-tiste’ under your breath once you’ve watched a few episodes. The rest of the family think i am mad.
I am a complete instagram addict but the algorithm drives me demented. On Saturday I saw a post with some simply amazing trousers from Uniqlo that 3 people (including Sarah whotsit from Vogue) were wearing in the same video and as I was planning to go anyway I thought I’d try to see what they were. However could I find that post again? Could I hell. I spent far too many minutes going back and forth and the bloody thing had fallen into a hole which was infuriating.
Social media has also ruined my love of reading and my kids REFUSE to read which I am convinced is due to their social media use – add to that one daughter now watches telly with the subtitles on which is just nuts but I am sure is due to reels and instastories. I was in an airport with a wifi limit at the weekend and you know what – I read my book instead and absolutely ploughed through a novel I’ve been stuck on for ages. Lots of lessons right there.
APP LIMIT LAURA!! Do it now x
I find that even if I hit ‘ignore’ on the app limit – which you can do for (I think) 5 mins, 15 mins or all day, it serves as an excellent reminder of the time you are spending (wasting). Irritatingly it also applies to Facebook and other social media, which – though I said I don’t like FB – has been inconvenient when searching Marketplace, but would be very good if I were just app-hopping.
What’s alarming is how much time can go up in smoke without realising it